Dropped in it by friends

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Dropped in it by friends

Postby Harry the Hat » Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:42 pm

I've been told by a couple of female friends that they've sent a message through Facebook to a girl who is a good friend of mine. They've told her that I'm in love with her and asked if she feels the same way about me. I do spend a lot of time with her, but we're just very close friends, but my other friends have assumed that I spend so much time with her because I have feelings for her, and assume she has feelings for me. They have asked me in the past if anything is happening and I've just laughed it off saying we don't see each other in that way, and they've taken the laughing as a sign that I do want more (no, that doesn't make sense to me either).

I know the two friends thought they were helping things along but I'm not sure I could forgive them if things go badly. Why they felt the need to interfere in things they have no knowledge about is beyond me.

So anyway now I'm in a situation where whatever her answer is I fear it's not going to turn out well. If she says no I can see things getting weird because she'll believe that I've said something to prompt this message, or given off signals that the two girls have picked up on. If she says yes then what do I do? I think she's a great person and she's had problems with boyfriends in the past that has knocked her confidence, if I just flat out reject her that's only going to make it worse, things get weird and she gets upset, not a thing I want to happen.

So best case scenario is she says no she's not interested things go weird and I loose a good friend; worst case is she says yes and I have no ideas how to handle a yes. Help!
Harry the Hat
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 10:50 am

Re: Dropped in it by friends

Postby snail » Tue Jan 25, 2011 2:43 pm

Can you act now, before she replies - contact her and tell her these friends decided to do this off their own bat, you knew nothing about it and you don't actually feel that way? Then you avoid her having to answer, and any subsequent awkwardness.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4335
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Dropped in it by friends

Postby Harry the Hat » Tue Jan 25, 2011 3:30 pm

snail wrote:Can you act now, before she replies - contact her and tell her these friends decided to do this off their own bat, you knew nothing about it

I could do, but I gather the message was sent on Saturday afternoon, and I've only found out today. I can pretty much guarantee she's seen it. As soon as I found out what was done I went nuts so I don't think I'd want to ask if she's replied as I'm still pretty angry. If she hasn't then it looks like I just had cold feet caused by her delay in responding.

snail wrote:and you don't actually feel that way?

But this could be a problem. At the moment it's not an issue because it's not something we've ever had to discuss, but if I say that then it's out there and suddenly is an issue. What if she does have feelings for me and I reject her with an off hand comment? As I say she's had some boyfriend problems that have severely knocked her confidence, also if I'm honest I'm not without issues because while I don't think I could use the word "love" I do have some feelings for her but we could never be boyfriend/girlfriend.

snail wrote:Then you avoid her having to answer, and any subsequent awkwardness.

I understand what you're saying, but it's a bit like Pandora's box, it's open and closing it now isn't going to stop the nasties that have already escaped.

I've been stewing on what's happened for the past few hours and if you hear about someone going on a rampage in Nottingham that'll probably be me!
Harry the Hat
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 10:50 am

Dropped in it by friends

Postby Skarlet » Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:26 pm

I think the best thing is to be honest with her. Tell her that you had nothing to do with the message. That you want to stay as you are and that you hope she feels the same.
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Dropped in it by friends

Postby snail » Tue Jan 25, 2011 7:53 pm

Harry the Hat wrote:I understand what you're saying, but it's a bit like Pandora's box, it's open and closing it now isn't going to stop the nasties that have already escaped.

I agree; it's a really horrible situation. But all you can do now is practise damage limitation - you're just going to have to be honest with her, and hope that as two adults you can work through it, whatever happens. You never know, to talk about difficult things like this might even bring you closer and improve your friendship, so try to stay optimistic.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4335
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Dropped in it by friends

Postby Harry the Hat » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:22 pm

Hi snail,
I took your advice and sent a pre-emptive email where I said that my two friends were trying to wind me up over an email they'd sent. Apparently the girl got the message and ignored it assuming they were being mischievous, well actually the word she used was a little stronger than that :wink:

So crisis averted! Thanks for your help, lets hope that is the end of it.
Harry the Hat
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 27, 2009 10:50 am

Re: Dropped in it by friends

Postby snail » Wed Jan 26, 2011 4:56 pm

Great outcome :D
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

Annie Dillard
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4335
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female


Return to Friends

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests