very confusing falling out with best friend

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very confusing falling out with best friend

Postby willowtree12 » Fri Jul 08, 2011 9:07 pm

Hi,

Me and my friend have been very close friends for the last 3 years, we're usually pretty inseperable, but for the last 3 months he hasn't been speaking to me at all and ignoring any contact i make, here is the back story:

I have been trying for a abay using a donor and in March i successfully got pregnant, i told my friend and he seemed a little bit put out, he's mentally ill with a modd disorder so i just put his lack of enthusiasm down to that and got on with things. I lost the baby in late April and sent him a message telling him, i was hoping for some support from him, but got nothing. I know he finds these things hard to deal with but i was still hurt, so i sent another message asking why he hasn't offered any support, not even a sympathetic text or phone call, i got no responce. I learn later from a mutual friend that he actually thinks i faked the whole thing, which is the most stupid thing i have ever heard, but it would account for why he suddenly thinks i'm worth cutting out of his life.

Its a really confusing problem and i have no clue what is going on, if i could just get him to talk to me then i could show him hospital letters and the like, but i sort of feel like i shouldn't have to, as my friend he should never have thought that of me anyway. Any imput is appreciated, its getting me down loosing a friend when i could really do with one.

thanks xxx
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Re: very confusing falling out with best friend

Postby Ticktock » Fri Jul 08, 2011 11:04 pm

Willowtree12

This problem seems to be tied up in you wanting a baby, but until you break down that wall you won't know the truth.

I suggest you write him a letter, harder to ignore. Don't get tied up in accusing him of letting you down, just tell him you miss him as a friend and that you are sorry if anything you did upset him. Write about how you felt after you lost the baby and that you wanted him there to talk to.

Send it off and hope you get through to him.

I wonder, you have chosen to have a baby without a father, did this inseparable friend want to be that father and he has realised he can never watch you bring up another persons child, just speculating...

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Re: very confusing falling out with best friend

Postby willowtree12 » Sat Jul 09, 2011 12:01 am

i probably should have mentioned, my friend is gay, so he's definatley not interested in having children with me. thanks for the reply, i may try the letter thing. x
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Re: very confusing falling out with best friend

Postby willowtree12 » Sat Jul 09, 2011 3:30 pm

I have recieved word from his boyfriend that apparently he does want to be mates still, so thats a good sign, his boyfriend says he will keep badgering him till he gets in touch with me, hopefully we can sort this out, although to be honest if his explaination for this is anything short of amazing i dunno if i can ever be friends with him in the same way, i've let him get away with alot over the last 3 years, but this is bloomin rediculas. I'll update the post if i recieve word from him, any further advice is much appreciated,
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Re: very confusing falling out with best friend

Postby snail » Sun Jul 10, 2011 9:59 pm

I think you do need to talk it out with him. Until that happens you can't be sure what's going on. He may have other issues (such as ethical objections to donor insemination, or fears about his own chances of having children) which he hasn't been able to express, so he's behaved like this instead.
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Re: very confusing falling out with best friend

Postby willowtree12 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 12:15 am

we've talked it over eventually, he said he did say to our mutual friend that he didn't beleive me when i told him i was pregnant, and thought i'd faked to misscarraige to cover it up, he says he hasn't been taking his meds and that he was delusional, i'm not sure i can swallow this story, and i feel pretty let down in general, how could he think that i'd do that?

but we're on speaking terms and are catching up, i'm probably never going to be quite as close to him, he's always known about my plans to have children and knows that i can't do that without medical help, so i don't know why he'd object to me getting pregnant, i thought he'd be happy for me. I'm hoping in time i can get him to tell me all of this, but at the moment he's still clamming up on me, the whole thing is still really stressing me out, but he seems to think its all sorted *sigh*

xxx
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