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Postby Depressed.com » Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:44 am

Over the summer, my friend and I went on holidays. We kissed boys on nights out, but went no further with any of them! One night, we were chatting with one of the barmen and my friend hinted she wanted to get with. He was very nice to us! So I left for a short while and when I returned to the pub they were gone. I waited at the pub for them to return and when they did, my friend seemed upset and was eager to leave immediately. So we did! Yesterday she told me he raped her! I feel partly responsible for leaving her and I dont know what to say to console her! Please can anyone help me??? She is blaming herself for the incident and is afraid to let any other boy go near her! She is terrified and I dont know what to do!!!!
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Re: Rape

Postby cambot » Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:01 pm

Well first of all blaming either one of you won't take back what happened to her. And shouting at each other or getting into an argument won't help either. The only thing you can do for her is try to help be as "okay" as she can be now or try and get her the help she needs.

First of all I think you need to take her to a Doctors or a clinic, she needs to get checked out. Not just for her physical health but Doctors can help to point her in the right direction of Councilling, which I would strongly suggest she atleast look into. If not a professional councillor like that, maybe have a look online at different groups, where she can talk to people, get advice. There are probably support groups in your local area as well for Women, which might be really helpful to her as well.

Secondly, was this abroad?? was it in a resort?? Really and I know this won't help now but as soon as she told you, both of you should have gone to the local Police and reported it. If it was in the UK, I would strongly suggest trying to get your friend to go to the Police, I don't know what they'll be able to do now but they will take it 100% seriously and will do all they can.

Thirdly, talk to her about it. Don't constantly ask her "are you ok?" but try and get her to open up about it, try and find out what she needs right now. Trauma's like that, people don't all react the same and be on the look out down the line. She might not react to it now but the grief of what happened to her may surface later on. And people don't always hit the self destruct button in the ways you would usually expect. So just look out for her- don't treat her like a special case but if you see her doing things that you know could harm her, try to help steer her away it. But also don't be offended if she doesn't want to talk about it now but as uncomfortable as it may make you, be ready to hear her out if she does want to talk about it.

Also... has she spoken to her Parents??? I know sometimes when something bad happens you don't really want to or think you can speak to your parents and she may feel like she doesn't want to but it's something I would strongly suggest.

The only other thing you can do is just be there for her as much as you can, give her the space she needs and try to be as understanding as possible.
Sorry if it all sounds abit clinical or "step by step guide" My best friend, someone who was like my little sister, we did everything together. It happened to her when she was on Holiday, when she was 13 years old. I was a mess at that age anyway but when she finally told us I handled it appaulingly, there are so many things I wish I could've said to her or changed or could've done for her... There's no real way to make this better, all you can do is help her.
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Re: Rape

Postby captainf » Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:43 pm

Nasty situation. :( I think that your friend definitely needs to go to counselling, its imperative. I dont know if the police can do much in the UK if it was abroad but it might be worth reporting it anyway. I dont know what jurisdiction they have regarding such offences but it might be worth reporting it anyway.
If this was a resort it might be worth reporting it to the tour operator too because other tourists could be at risk.

Regarding your friend - you just have to be there, support her and give her guidance to the best of your ability. Advise her to go to counselling, be a friend and listen to her talk and cry when she needs to. She will need a support network - friends, family etc.
For now she doesnt need any male interest. She just needs to work through what happened and come to terms with it.
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