Im finding my friend hard to handle

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Im finding my friend hard to handle

Postby seren84 » Thu Jun 14, 2012 2:57 pm

Hello All

I am having a few problems with my close friend and i dont know what to do. I have known her for 3 years and we met when our ex bfs lived together. since we both split with our partners three years ago we have become quite close and helped each other with the break up.

However for years she has suffered with depression and i dont know if this is something which is apart of his illness because shes become very very selfish and just thinks of herself non stop. when ever she has a new bf or meets a bloke she just talks about them non stop, and texts me to tell me what happening between them without even asking how i am or what i have been up to and she only ever asks how i am if i dont reply to her texts or calls.

Last week i met her for a drink and she talked all night about her bloke, never asked how i was or what i have been doing, she was also witching about another girl she knows as this other girl has told her to stop being so selfish. On this night i had given her a lift to the train station to save her walking and she didnt even say thanks when she got out of the car.

this week she has now split with this and is just non stop texting me, saying shes depressed,she hates etc, again its all about her non stop.

I love her to bits but im struggling to cope with her selfish behaviour.

I am being unreasonable?

Thanks all

xx
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Re: Im finding my friend hard to handle

Postby RagDoll » Fri Jun 15, 2012 2:21 pm

Hi Seren,

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I also find it rude/annoying when people do nothing but talk about themselves and never think to ask how you are etc. It's bad manners for one thing, and also makes you feel like they don't care much about how things are in your life. I have a friend that is a little like this too. She will tell really long-winded stories about herself (she particularly likes to tell you tiny details about her working day which can be a bit frustrating when it's not something important/interesting!) but will not ask you about things in your life. So I can emphathise with how you feel! I think the fact someone else has also pulled your friend up on her behaviour just goes to show that it's not just you that's thinking she can be unreasonable with it.

I think depression can make people more self centered - they're not doing it on purpose, but the illness makes it hard for people to see beyond what is going on emotionally in their own minds etc.. which can lead to them being a bit self absorbed. Has she been diagnosed with depression? Is she receiving help? There's a difference between feeling depressed (say, for example, because you've split up with someone) and being clinically depressed.

To be honest, I'm not sure what advice to offer you as I've never been sure how to tackle this myself with own friend. The only thing I try and do is force my way in the conversation by not waiting to be asked about things. Sometimes it works, but it failed miserable recently when I tried to talk about getting married in August (my friend's one of my bridesmaids) by saying "wow, can't believe it's only 2 and half months until I get married" but she just brushed it off and went back to talking about herself, haha. I wouldn't mind if it was because I am forever going on about it, but I never talk to her about it because she doesn't seem that interested.
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Re: Im finding my friend hard to handle

Postby someonelikeyou » Sat Jun 30, 2012 1:26 pm

No you are not being unreasonable.

My friend was exactly the same, only difference being I didn't hear from her if things were going well with her bfs, its when they have problems she texts/rings me non stop, asking how I am just to start the conversation so she can tell me about herself.

In the end I had to say something to her. we used to talk on fb chat and I would type something she would completely ignore it and carry on talking about herself, I would type did you see what I put?? and things like that and when I saw her in person I said you never answer me. She apologised, I don't think she even realised she was even doing it.

Things are a lot better now although she still ignores what I say sometimes so I just say it again until she acknowledges it, just like she does lol.

Hope this helps you a bit, I know how frustrating it is x
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