I feel rubbish

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I feel rubbish

Postby MilkyCreed » Fri Feb 08, 2013 11:57 pm

Hey everyone, Ive been looking around these forums for a couple of weeks now and I've decided that I could do with putting up my problems. I just feel like I could do with telling someone this or ill burst.
I pretty much just feel like I am exactly where I was when I left college, only now with fewer friends seeing how everyone has gone their separate ways.
I'm hardly any closer to getting a job I want, sure I've got some experience now but seeing how there are so few jobs going in what I want there seems a very low likelihood of it even happening I've seen, this past year, 1 job working with chocolate that wasn't asking for a very experienced chocolatier and I didn't even get that as someone with further experience than I have, I was told, got that instead. Fantastic.

Then there's searching for any job now which again sucks seeing how no-one even bothers to reply to any applications sent out and the jobs I'm having to apply for are rubbish! The best being a shop floor assistant which I could live with but it's hardly ideal.

A few years ago I thought by this point in my life I would have a job that I enjoyed doing or was on my way to reaching that position, I would have moved out of my parents house, even if it was to live with 3 other people in a house share or something and I would have at the very least had a girlfriend. Instead I'm jobless, still living with my parents and done absolutely nothing, not even kissed a girl, in that time. I basically feel like rubbish because of it.

Now pretty much my social life consists of talking to D one of my best friends every so often meeting up with D and C (another one of my best friends and gf of D) once a week/fortnight and yep that pretty much sums it all up. And with D and C going out now I'm left feeling very lonely seeing how I am now the only person left single in my group of friends (except A (another friend) but I barely even see him now seeing how most of the time he's away) (pathetic right?)

And now the part that went and pushed me over the edge.
Here's the timeline:
My other bestfriends F party D and C hit it off.
I help them get together and start dating. At the same time I'm texting C a lot (you probably have an inkling of where this is going.)
Then at Christmas they make it official. Next thing I know a few days later, not exactly all of a sudden I fancy C. Faaaantastic talk about being your own damn worst enemy I basically self inflict the following symptoms for the past month,
huge loss of diet literally down to one meal a day and even then don't always finish it, getting a almost sick feeling in my gut when I think of her, thinking of her almost all the time,
if she doesn't reply to a text within 10 minutes I end up checking my phone every 5 minutes which I've told myself is stupid yet I do it almost like a reflex reaction when I see her I pretty much just think how I want to hug her and touch her (not in a sexual way if that's what your thinking I just mean like holding hands or play with her hair I feel like an idiot just typing it) which just makes me feel even worse if they do anything even the tiniest bit coupley in front of me which ill hand it to them they don't do it much when with me which I am grateful for. However they still don't quite understand just how much seeing them doing anything coupley makes me feel rubbish just due to the fact I am still single nevermind liking C (obviously I haven't said I like C to either of them)

So yeah absolutely great. I could deal with everything before this just fine staying optimistic etc but with being attracted to C now coming into it that's just thrown it way out of my ability to handle it all.

So for the last problem I decided to cut down on texting C but suddenly the texting took an unexpected turn and switched towards sexting and me being the tool that I am went with it. Though the reason behind it (I think) is because the 2 of them haven't actually started doing anything sexual (though it sounds very much like tgey plan to soon, probably valentines) and I just know it'll then stop and I'll feel even worse even though i feel rubbish as it is!
I'm stopping it now anyway because quite frankly its wrong and the sooner the better
This would have been written in half the time if I had a keyboard. But Im having to use my phone.
MilkyCreed
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Re: I feel rubbish

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Feb 11, 2013 1:14 pm

Hi
The jobs thing sound pretty normal. We all have this idea about what we want to be but rarely do people end up in the field they would love to but end up taking a job that pays the bills.
Firstly if I have it right d and c are together. If so definately stop the texting. Do you want a gf who sexts other guys behind your back - no. Also it could cause the loss of your friendhsip. Right now you think that isn't much but think about life without it.
I think you need to concentrate on etting a job, any job right now to help get you out there more and build your confidence.
Have you tried agencies fro part iem or temporary work? Have you though about volunterring, always looks good tn the CV and still gets you out and about.
What about an apprenticeship, seems like going backwards but at least you'll be making a start on something. Choose something that is likely to lead to a job or employment at the end of it not something you'd necessairly love to do but would be happy to do if there isn't anything else.
Apparently the average age for a guy to leave home is now 29 so don't think you are alone. At least you have a roof over your head and csan eat.
I think if you work on getting out of the house more and get some kind of employment it will help you generally.
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Re: I feel rubbish

Postby SarahWallis » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:21 am

I see a pattern here. You are revolving your happiness around others! Your life should be about what is making you happy :)Here are steps you can take:

1) start exercising (it may seem daunting at first but it will boost your self esteem and make you feel better about your appearance)
2) it seems like you are stuck in a rut. if you can't go a day without thinking about something then go do it whether its acting or music or maths?
3) through having your own interests you will meet people with similarities and make new friends
4) write down a list of qualties you like about yourself or if not things that you enjoy in life#

through climbing your own ladder you will have a much better time. :D You seem really switched on about your yourself and are very articulate well done! best of luck xxx
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