my fear is controlling me

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my fear is controlling me

Postby saramidnite » Wed Sep 18, 2013 11:15 pm

hello. i live in the middle of no where in the countryside. there no pavements. shops or buses so i always need a lift or a taxi to get any where. i agreed to learn to drive as id like some indepence. i cant move home due to the farm. i no i only had five driving lessons but i scared and keep claming up. i almost hit some thing to. i need to get over my fear but how.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby ILoveChristmas » Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:18 am

I have always believed that driving lessons should not be conducted on real roads until the learner is sufficiently comfortable at the controls of a car, and you're not yet in that position. To my mind it seems logical, if you are having to devote a significant portion of your attention to what your hands and feet are doing then that's attention that you are not devoting to your surroundings. In those cases the chances of you drifting out of your lane, or hitting some object increase dramatically.

What I'm saying is that to be nervous and scared is normal, especially after so few lessons and for someone who's never been exposed to driving before. I would ask your instructor, even if it's a family member, to drive you somewhere to practice before you drive on public roads. Industrial estates are ideal, especially in the evening when they're almost deserted because they're laid out like normal roads, with junctions, signs etc, so it's great practice and far less risky.

If there are no industrial estates near you then find a large carpark or other wide open area of ground where you can pull away, stop, change gear, maneuver etc. Keep doing that until you're happy you know how to make a car go and stop, then drive on public roads.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Sep 19, 2013 9:22 am

Have you thought about doing auotmatic lessons. There is a lot less to think about driving an automatic and there are lots of cheap small engine automatics about these days.

A few people I know have felt a lot more confident driving an automatic.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby saramidnite » Thu Sep 19, 2013 11:36 pm

i wouldnt mind an auto mactic if it easier. i have to check want avaible in my area. i live in a remote area so there not many driving instuctures. i moved to be with my bf. he got no patience so i couldbt ask him to teach me. i wish my instructure let me do basics first. my first lesson was on a roads. my chest was hurting due a panic attack on my last lesson. i not ready to do roundnabouts. but he expects me to do them. it be nice if i could drive in a straight line first. with out going near the edge of the road. if i didnt need to learn as lack of transport an issue id give up.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Sep 20, 2013 9:50 am

sounds like you don't have a very patient instructor so if you can't find an automatic one I would ring round for a new instructor and explain how nervous you are and that you want to take it very slowly
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby rufio89 » Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:12 am

I agree with BelBel. At the end of the day, it's better for the instructors pocket if you take ages so I cant see that it'd be a problem! I found learning to drive quite difficult and changed instructors a few times, definitely swap if you're not happy. I also found it was worth paying the extra money to go with BSM.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby snail » Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:16 am

I had a horrible time learning to drive, and I now realise, looking back as a much older person, that that was mostly due to my instructor being wrong for me. He was the sort of person who didn't experience fear or worry (a useful quality for him when in cars with learners) and could not understand those who did (not a useful quality for his pupils). At the time I thought it was mostly about mastering a skill, and that it didn't make much difference who taught you, but that's not the case. I would definitely see if you can try another instructor.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby reckoner » Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:36 pm

It took me 25 lessons to get to a driving test. I had the coolest instructor ever, who used to stop me at the fag shop so I could have a smoke between parallel parking attempts (I was 17 and trying to keep my habit secret from the folks). Two weeks before my test, he got promoted and I got dumped with an idiot. Progress ground to a halt. Literally. During my test, the adjudicator had to slam on the dual control brakes to stop me from a head on collision with another car. If he didn't have a heart condition at the time, I'm pretty sure he does now. It wasn't till I actually passed my (second) test that I realised driving is the coolest thing since public transport.

100% agreed that if you don't like your instructor, change them. You're not at school anymore and don't have to put up with an instructor that doesn't instruct you effectively. Hang in there and don't let your fear bully you. Good luck!! It's soooooo worth it.
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby saramidnite » Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:31 am

last week he swore at me. i dont like swearing. i going to try and change instructers. i think my gad back. it a worrying disorder. so i see doctor today before hopefully my last lesson with him. i didnt want a lesson last week as a family member past away. but he was insistant. it was my wotest lesson. he got angry because i stalled the car. at least my stearing getting better. i spoke to my bg about learning in automatic. he said automatic cars have more problems so it better notto learn
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby rufio89 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:17 am

I drove an 18 year old automatic for 2 years before I wrote it off by crashing it and I never had to have ANY work done on it, that's just simply not true! It's definitely worth trying, even if you only have automatic lessons until youve built your confidence on the roads up, then once you're more confident you could go back to manual?
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:03 pm

Automatics used to be problematic. These days they are much better.
At the end of the day if you find a manual isn't working for you at least you have the option to change to automatic instead of giving up all together
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby ILoveChristmas » Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:16 pm

Have you had a look for driving instructors or companies who specialise in teaching pupils with additional needs, for example, Motability? You could call them and explain that while you're physically capable you're having a few problems getting to grips with a few things and you'd like their help. Instructors working for these companies will be used to taking things more slowly than might otherwise be the case and that's where they may be of use to you.

You musn't lose enthusiasm though sara, your instructor's outburst says a great deal more about him than it does about you.
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The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby rufio89 » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:10 pm

ILoveChristmas wrote:You musn't lose enthusiasm though sara, your instructor's outburst says a great deal more about him than it does about you.


I cant agree with this more, I had three instructors and let two of them bully me into thinking I was an idiot learner who just couldnt handle it. The third one I had was FANTASTIC, I didnt even feel like he had to be especially patient, he just wasnt being horrible to me all the time!!
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby snail » Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:54 pm

A driving instructor who gets angry because someone stalls a car is most definitely in the wrong job!
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Re: my fear is controlling me

Postby peecee » Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:54 pm

Sara, I wish all the great advice on PP had been around when I was learning to drive! :-?

My instructor put me in for my test far too soon, and when I made a mess of an emergency stop in the lesson before the test (because I was so nervous), he really yelled at me. I don't know how I didn't just burst into tears. When I went into the test centre, I was shaking so hard that my signature on the documents didn't go along the page, it went DOWN the page! Of course I failed my test.

I stayed with the same instructor; he actually realised how badly he had affected me before my test, and he was never quite that bad again; but it was always very uneasy, I had dozens of lessons, and I didn't pass until my third attempt. See, I thought that as he'd kindly(!!!) put so much effort in, I should stick with him. If I could do it all over again, I would do as the other PPers say - change your instructor! The one you're with is an absolute pillock, and I don't think he should be teaching.

I know you're in a fairly remote area, me dear, but driving instruction is big business, and I'm sure you can find someone better than this nightmare of an instructor. Plus, a good instructor will give you advice on automatics v. manuals, AND he/she won't kick you when you've had a bereavement in the family.

Chin up, sweet pea - if I can learn to drive, anybody can! :o :P

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