Work christmas meal

[Bean1986]

Hi everyone,

I am new to these boards and I was just hoping someone might be able to offer me some advice.

I started in my new job 5 months ago, most people where nice but there were the odd few on the team who were a bit cold with me. Its quite a small team of only 12 people and its very cliquey!!

In the past month or so though these same people seem to have warmed to me a bit and are laughing & joking more, its a much better atmosphere. I put my name down to go on the xmas meal and the venue has asked for a seating plan so the woman organising it (who I get the impression doesnt like me much) has put one together, the problem is she sent the plan around the office yesterday and the whole team are on one table apart from me, one woman that none of them seem to like, and another who is really nice but doesnt really get involved too much.

I know it sounds daft but I just feel really upset & dissapointed by this, I felt like I was finally being accepted into the team and now this has happened. I am considering backing out of the meal now, I just really dont feel like going anymore. My boyfriend thinks it may just be a bit of jealousy on this womans part (I recently found out that her now BF fancied me when I started) she is the 'queen bee' on the team. What do you think I should do? My BF said I should bring up the seating plan with her but I am not that sort of person. Thanks and sorry for going on a bit x

[Bel Bel]

So a group of girls have known each other a long time and want to sit together. I don't see the problem.

You are the new person so of course you won't get pride of place yet. You think that she is going to put one of her long term colleagues on another table in favour of you?

This is just purely she got to organise it so she will choose her favourites and long term friends, you would probably do the same.

If her bf fancied you before her then you are a bit of a threat to her.

Don't take it so personally just go and make the most of it or you will look petty and give her more ammunition to say you don't fit in.

[Bean1986]

The problem is though its not just a group of girls, its the whole team, male & female

[Bel Bel]

Either way they are long standing members of the group and you are the newbie and as such will be treated so. In a few years when some have left and new people arrive you will no longer be the newbie

[snail]

9 and 3 does seem like a very strange way to split; you'd think it would be 6 and 6. Or, for most work Christmas meals, one whole table for everyone (most restuarants will do that).

You might find when you do get there that it IS one big table (it would be a bit strange if it weren't). But ultimately you have three choices - raise the seating plan with her (rather than objecting to the people you're with, perhaps ask why you're not all on one table or split evenly), don't raise it and go anyway, or don't go.

If you don't go, for your first year, you will be marking yourself out a bit. So I agree with Bel, just go and have as good a time as you can. Why not see if you can make a connection with the other two women at your table; they're probably thinking similar things to you after all.