Completely lost and confused

For any problems related to sexuality, coming out & gay relationships.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Completely lost and confused

Postby Lagoon » Sun Oct 26, 2014 10:45 am

Hiya,
I'm a 26 year old female, that's been in a long term relationship with a man for about 6 years, who I still love to pieces.
I've always had a niggle in the back of my mind that I might be attracted to some girls as well, but I have never done anything with a girl. I've recently meet a straight girl, and I've realised my feelings for her are more just friendship and I am sexually attracted to her. This has left me really confused about everything. I feel like I've missed my chance to explore my sexuality and just feel completely lost. This one attraction seems to have opened a flood gate, and I've found myself fantasising about women. I've even started casually browsing online dating websites for other women. I know I'm being deceitful to my boyfriend and I don't know what to do. I think he's thinking of proposing soon, which 6 months ago I would have been ecstatic about but now I feel so unsure about who I am. I don't feel like I can tell my boyfriend about this and rock the boat so much. But I'm so scared that 10 years down the line I'm going to wish I'd done something now.

I don't feel this is something I can tell anyone, so any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just feel so lost and confused.
Lagoon
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2014 3:15 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Completely lost and confused

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Oct 27, 2014 12:15 pm

Feelings change as we grow older and especially when we try to suppress them.
I think the most honest thing you can do is split with your boyfriend and be single for a while. Explore that side of yourself
You don't have to tell him it's because you are confused about woman just that you don't feel the same anymore, which is half the truth
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: Completely lost and confused

Postby all_apologies » Sun Nov 02, 2014 10:48 pm

This is really tough and I do sympathise a lot. While being attracted to women should not mean that you are not in a loving, committed relationship, I would fear that if you leave this unexplored it'll lead to trouble down the line. It seems like you're fixated on this attraction. You have a few options.

If you love your boyfriend and want to spend your life with him, consider accepting your potential bisexuality but knowing that it won't be actualised.

Or, if you think you can't leave this unexplored, talk to him about it honestly. You could say that you would like a break to explore what it is that's niggling in the back of your head. It would be up to him to decide whether he wished to have a break and maybe resume your relationship, or cut all ties.

However, it may be more fair to just end the relationship. If you feel like this now, I doubt very much it'll go away until you act on your feelings and figure out exactly what it is that you want. Keep us updated!
User avatar
all_apologies
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 3539
Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 1:30 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Completely lost and confused

Postby Akidma » Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:39 am

Hi
Confused as you may be, you must face the music. You must decide soon where you are going and what you wish to do about this.
We all have desires and many cannot be fulfilled; if they were to be, I would be with Ashley Olsen or Andrea Corr maybe!

I am a ''man's man'' but cannot deny having had thoughts about mixing it with the same sex, but such thoughts have been suppressed, because I have had similar thoughts about wishing to own a Jaguar car but I cannot have one because I cannot afford one. You are at risk of spoiling a relationship which is in existence to chase a whim; a thought that something may be better elsewhere. What would you have done if you had children with your man, would you still consider straying from him to pursue your desires.
You need to think carefully then dismiss this pipe dream. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.
Regards Akidma
Akidma
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Sep 13, 2014 2:43 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Completely lost and confused

Postby Lagoon » Sun Nov 23, 2014 10:23 pm

Thank you guys for your posts. Really appreciated.
I have decided for the moment to stay with my boyfriend and just accept that what ever feelings I have developed for others shouldn't be acted on. I sorta realised that losing him would be harder to deal with, then not exploring that side of me. As you said the grass always seems greener.
Thanks for your help
Lagoon
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2014 3:15 pm
Gender: Female


Return to Sexuality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest