Boyfriend hates my Bi-sexual past - HELP!

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Boyfriend hates my Bi-sexual past - HELP!

Postby Trevaskiss » Wed Feb 18, 2015 3:22 pm

Can you help with a problem I have here.

I’m a 40 year old woman who for a long time had identified as being Bi-sexual. Until 9 months ago, I had been single for 5.5 years, and I have never had a proper serious relationship with either a man or a woman. Longest lasting 12 months.

For a long time I’d been wondering if my sexuality was down to a lot of other things that I’d been through in my life. I tended to fall for personality rather than looks and I’ve never been one who has looked at a woman and really fancied her, but the fact remains, I have slept with women.

I am currently with a man who for the most part is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am totally, 100% in love with him and I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. He’s currently living with me and we are saving up to move away and find a nice little house together and I do love him so very much.

However, he cannot accept my past and he thinks that bi-sexuals are ‘dirty’ and that they will sleep with ‘anyone’. His latest comment by text to me was “If you see it, you want it”.

I’m trying to convince him so so hard that it is him I want to be with and I will not be leaving him for another woman although he seems to think I am. He’s a very stubborn guy and when he gets these thoughts into his head it can be days of rowing for him to change his mind. I’ve told him that those days are over and that all I want is him and no one else. He thinks that because my last relationship was with a woman, that it’ll be another one next.

I really don’t know what to do to convince him that I want him and him only. I absolutely hate this as I know that if we didn’t have this issue where he hated my sexual past, we would have the best relationship ever.

Please help! I’m in pieces here!
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Re: Boyfriend hates my Bi-sexual past - HELP!

Postby snail » Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:22 am

I'm sorry to see this is still going on, Trevas. I'm not sure that you will get any different answers here than you did before in the other section with a similar issue. Ultimately this is his problem and it's for him to come to terms with it, or not, depending on how big a person he is able to be.

I'm not certain that you would have a perfect relationship if it weren't for this one thing - he seems to fixate on things and to enjoy high drama, hurting and punishing. While many, perhaps most, people find bisexuality difficult to deal with in a partner I have a feeling he'd find something else even if this particular thing didn't exist. He could do with sorting out the underlying anger or insecurity which makes him behave like this, and that would probably mean committing to some long term counselling.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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Re: Boyfriend hates my Bi-sexual past - HELP!

Postby Mrdad » Mon Feb 23, 2015 7:46 am

He does sound very insecure, which can be very damaging to a relationship. It would be interesting to know if he' be the same if you had only previously slept with guys? Some people get so fixated by a new partners sexual history that it can consume them. I was exactly the same when I met my now wife. She told me that all her but one of her previous relationships had been just about sex, and I would forever be wondering why she did, who with etc. so don't think it's just because it was a same see relationship you had, he could be wondering all sorts, like is he better at oral, does he turn you on as much, so sees it as kind of a threat! What you need to get to the bottom of is the reason for this? Was he cheated on before etc, then you can deal with it. In the meantime all you can do is keep reassuring him things are fine, both in and out of the bedroom. You may even need to think more about your actions, like keeping your phone on you all the time he may see as secretive, it's a difficult thing To get over if you've been hurt in the past. But it can be overcome, and if he's as nice as you say he is, it will all be worth it. Good luck
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Re: Boyfriend hates my Bi-sexual past - HELP!

Postby Akidma » Sun Mar 01, 2015 1:09 pm

Hi
He does not understand tour past and is struggling to come to terms that you have been with both sexes. He must accept it or move on because you are who you are because of your past! You have to talk to him about it (somewhat without being graphic). Your future depends upon his being able to accept your past. If he cannot then you have no future together, it is that simple.
I would ask him if he would have preferred that you had slept around with many men rather than have had positive relationships with both sexes. The response may be interesting!
Your man must wake up and realise what he has rather than what he would like to have, then he may enjoy what he has got.
If this isn't discussed then the future does not look bright I am afraid. Talk to him, and whatever else do not be ashamed of whet your past is, because it is what has made you the person he now claims to love.
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