Trust Issues

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Trust Issues

Postby Stupid1 » Thu Apr 16, 2015 4:25 pm

Hi, my first post so here goes!

My Husband & I have been married for 15 yrs and have 2 children (14 & 9). We've always had a fiery relationship and he has been known to loose his temper with me and he can be very nasty - won't bore you with the details.

The problem I have is he goes on Facebook and sends random friend requests to women he has no clue who they are, and will then strike up a friendship sending messages and deleting them immediately after sending - so I don't read them. I have read the odd reply here and there and last night one came through after he'd gone to bed so I read it. It said -

"No - LOL - I do not flirt"

I got upset about it and challenged him to which he went ballistic and told me I am sad for reading his messages that he's had enough of me and that he doesn't want to be married to me anymore. He always tries to make out everything is my fault and if I hadn't read the message then everything would be fine.

I am now so confused and feel quite depressed about myself - am I sad for not trusting him and reading these messages? If he has nothing to hide why does he sneak about deleting them?

There is a history to why I don't trust him - he made a friendship with a work colleague where they would ring each other for several hours a day and chat on their mobiles. When I found confronted him about it he told me he had fallen for someone else and that between them they had a plan that he would leave me to be single and then 3 moths later he would take up with her. This obviously didn't work out and he stayed with me - but one thing that does bug me about that is he has never said he's sorry or begged my forgiveness I'm just supposed to get on with it. This was 6 years ago.

I have tried on several occasions to get him to leave but he always says it's his house just as much as mine and he won't be going anywhere, if I want out I've got to leave, which I don't see how I can? Maybe this is my only choice or I just put up and shut up?

Sorry it's so long - but do you think I shouldn't read these messages? Or at least try to read them?
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Re: Trust Issues

Postby snail » Thu Apr 16, 2015 8:47 pm

His behaviour with the Facebook messages is completely out of order, yes. The marriage is clearly not in a good way - he's wanted to leave and you want him to leave. I would suggest marriage counselling if you want to save the marriage (although it doesn't look as though he would be very co-operative). If you don't want to save it, try contacting Citizens' Advice Bureau and seeing what your legal options are with regard to getting him to move out, or moving out yourself.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Trust Issues

Postby David020549 » Fri Apr 17, 2015 5:50 pm

Your husband is a total Pratt, messaging women on facebook is open for all to see and there is no doubt there are plenty of them that welcome his attention. From what you say he needs a reality lesson soon, if you separate he will have to leave, you and the kids will get the house and he will have to support you.
Formal mediation is the first step to spell out what will happen, maybe he will see sense and behave properly.
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Re: Trust Issues

Postby Tarantula » Fri Apr 17, 2015 5:56 pm

... Sounds a bit borderline personality disorder to me! Gets mad instead of taking responsibility. Never apologises. It's always your fault. Can be very nasty...

Whether he's BPD or not, he clearly doesn't respect you and I think it's time to have a serious discussion with him about your future together - or apart.
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