please please help, I'm an idiot!!!!!!! :(

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please please help, I'm an idiot!!!!!!! :(

Postby island2015 » Sun Sep 27, 2015 3:20 pm

Hi pp
After I wrote my last topic, should i break up with my boyfriend of nearly 7 years, unfortunately I did.
I now realise that it was the biggest mistake I've ever made, the uk is not all it's cracked up to be at all, and I am eventually going to return home at some point.
What is need is help in how to get my ex partner, (even writing those words kills me) to understand that i want us to be together and that i am serious. He says he still loves me and feels the same way as i do about him. That he like me will never want anyone else.
What can i do to help the situation along?
I want to stay sometime in the uk to repay the investment that my current employer has made in my career, but i want to be with him more than anything two, and i miss home and my family and friends two.
Please can anyone tell me anything i can do to help show him how much i want him and that i'm serious about coming home? Is there any way at all i can make him see that it's a good idea for us to try again now, rather than having to wait till I go home? I know he wants us to be us again by what he's said. I understand completely though why he is hesitant. I just love him so much and can't believe what a massive idiot i've been and the mistake i've made. I spent half an hour yesterday or more crying on the phone to my mum, saying i wasn't normal. She tried to help and did a little, but i just feel so sad, empty and incomplete without him.
Please help.
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Re: please please help, I'm an idiot!!!!!!! :(

Postby miaow » Sun Sep 27, 2015 4:48 pm

Firstly, you are normal!

Loads of people make the wrong decisions every day in love, money, work etc. you've made a mistake - that is a normal part of life.

Loads of couples also break up and then get back together.

Only way to sort it is to tell your ex what you've put on here and explain how you feel, why you made the initial decision and how you now realise it was the wrong thing to do.

You never know until you speak to him.

Good luck.
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Re: please please help, I'm an idiot!!!!!!! :(

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Sep 30, 2015 12:27 pm

I think you tell him what you have said to us.

To be fair he did try to emotionally blackmail you to stay as he said he wouldn't even try to make it work if you moved and he said he didn't want marriage
When a relationship breaks up you have to examine the cause, if that cause hasn't changed why will it be any different

You have discovered the grass isn't greener so in future you will find different ways to resolve your problems, so your part is sorted.

So will he consider marriage or commitment?

I worry you may give him too many concessions to agree to get back with him and end up regretting it. It has to be something you both want and you mustn't agree to things you will later regret, like never getting married.

I think missing your family is heightening the problem of missing him.

I know you feel loyal to work but will there ever be a good time to leave? The further you get in there the more invested you are? If the company has paid for a course you could agree to pay them back on a monthly basis
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: please please help, I'm an idiot!!!!!!! :(

Postby buddhababe83 » Wed Sep 30, 2015 4:48 pm

It takes two to want to be in a relationship. If your ex is hesitating to get back with you, you can only tell him how you feel and your reasons for leaving it in the first place. You need to ask yourself why you wanted to leave the relationship and if any issues you had have been resolved. This will mean being completely honest with yourself. Unfortunately, you have no control over your ex's decision about getting back with you. I am sure that you would only want him back with you if he is 100% committed to being with you. You both need to be honest about what you want and need from the relationship and then take it from there.
If you and your ex do decide to part, you will survive. It will be difficult but you will move on and hopefully learn from the experience. It concerns me when you state that you are 'incomplete without him'. The best lesson I learned from the break-up of my last relationship is that we are all 'complete' as we are. we don't need another to 'complete' us. If we meet someone who enhances our life, then that is a bonus. I hope that however things turn out that you gain strength for yourself. And don't forget, you are stronger than you think.
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Re: please please help, I'm an idiot!!!!!!! :(

Postby David020549 » Thu Oct 01, 2015 7:32 am

Your situation is very common, the lure of pastures new, the excitement of travel to a new place, then discovering you are alone in a foreign place. You need to return home and learn from the experience, your happiness is more important than your job, we live in a world where almost anything is possible but many of us cannot handle "anything", so be aware of your personal limitations.
As an employer I have had many new staff drop out after a few weeks or months for whatever reason, it happens, you move on and choose a replacement more carefully, so don't give too much weight to job loyalty. It is not a good practice to employ new staff far from home, most need to go back for weekends at least to keep up with friends and family.
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