by Nomad » Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:26 pm
Its impossible to know for sure obviously, but from a woman's perspective there really may not have been much in the outfit. When you find something you forgot you owned, it can be fun to dress differently and make yourself feel good. Especially if you know people are going to notice you. There was probably subconscious intention in being noticed, by you and by others, but that the dress was not for you, it was for her in that way. The comment about making her look fat is classic girl comment. Can't take a compliment without counteracting it with something negative. Women are over complicated.
So she was saying 'please notice' - but she was saying it to everyone. I can't know, but I would say (even though it is easy to hope it was for you) that it was her way of getting attention in general that day. I'm sure she enjoyed your reaction. Not really fair of her to be honest. She probably hasn't thought about how much impact she might be having on you.
Great that you went to chat to her where you wouldn't normally though. And yes, so easy to over think things. I wish I could switch my head off sometimes! It doesnt matter how much we speculate over what someone else thinks, it wont get us closer to knowing what they think unless we speak to them directly. Its also dangerous to fantisise about how things might go, or to make presumptions about someones thoughts (negative or positive) as you can start to believe things that aren't true. I was in a long relationship in my 20s, and when I came out the other side I realised the reason I was so frustrated with it, and why he didn't make me happy was because it was the perceived version of him that I was in love with. He filled a 'type' of character and I bundled off down the road merrily filling the gaps with the character, rather than noticing the truths about him. For example he has a kind face so my brain filled in 'kind' as a characteristic. I never stopped to think whether or not her was, and was blind to clues that he wasn't. Sounds ridiculous, but can happen really easily on so many levels. And it is a result of a bad habit - that bad habit is over thinking and fantasising and projecting too far into the future. When this ex didn't miss me when i went away for a long trip I was hurt and devastated and confused. Now I know that I was baffled because the person I was in love with couldnt do any wrong, but that I hadn't seen the narcissist I was dating for who he was.
Might not make much sense, but i think its kind of related. Especially the tendancy to fantasise. I do it a lot, its nice to dream or imagine a scenario, but i have learnt that it usually just ends in heaert ache as you cant create the future, or bend nature (like we were saying before). A close friend of mine is a big culprit for this. She lives somewhere that means she is cut off a lot so doesnt socialise much, doesn't meet many guys, but does watch a lots of rom coms and dating shows, so when she does meet someone that lights her flame, she goes into over drive, over thinking and dreaming of the future, of how they will get together, the love that blossoms, and of marriage and babies. Obviously if you do this and then don't reach date two it can be overwhelming.
Jeese, dont know why I am waffling on so much! Not very interesting for you. I think i am procrastinating as I have a lot of work to do.. amazing how much there is to say when you are supposed to be doing something else!
Well, all i can say about your friend in her dress is - enjoy it for the moment it is. You enjoy seeing her in the dress and that is the moment. Nothing more or less. I'm going to try and do the same with my friend. Enjoy that I get to spend some time on monday, but not think about what that might mean, or lead. Its just some time in his company on monday.