by Tarantula » Thu Nov 19, 2015 11:26 pm
Possibly she has other plans.
My advice is to resist all temptation to contact and assume it's over. Once she sniffs that you value yourself enough to not wait around for her to pick you up and put you down at her convenience, she will most likely re-evaluate and come 'crawling back'.
My advice to anyone who wants their ex to regret breaking it off (and 'taking a break' is just an unnecessary one-stop from breakup town, employed for all sorts of cowardice reasons on her part) is to appear to FULLY ACCEPT IT out of hand and get on with your life, which means no contact. This approach has the highest chances of your ex thinking 'did I make a mistake?' Pine after her and it will only reflexively reinforce her reasons, whatever they are. She will feel validated in her reasons. And you don't want her coming back to you out of guilt, or obligation, just because you chased and she felt bad saying no.
I understand that taking the 'it's over? Okay then, la la laaah, going about my day now as if nothing happened' route is HARD. It goes against everything you WANT to do and seems counterintuivie. But TRUST me - as someone who has managed to pull this off herself when a guy is withdrawing, and ALSO been on the side of dumping someone only to have them accept it amicably and wholly from the moment I say it... this is the best you can possibly do.
Chasing her in any way (which includes little messages 'for closure', or any other contact whatsoever) lowers your chances of her realising she's made a mistake. The more you chase, the lower your chances. She's expecting you to chase. She's expecting you to not accept it. Do something she won't expect; hold your ground and keep your emotions in check just enough to NOT contact her, either directly or vicariously through third parties, and make an honest go of moving on. Look after YOU. Be prepared for the worst - that she won't want to reconcile - and act as if she's already made that crystal clear.
If she says the 'spark's gone' then what that means is, you've become predictable to her. The novelty has officially left the building. By contacting her, all you're doing is reinforcing that yep, this guy follows a predictable linear path, saw that coming. This is the opposite of what you want! By amicably (and in a non-catty way!) appearing to accept the break up, it'll most likely have HER feeling off-balance. Trust me, she won't be expecting that.
... And, as an absolute fail-safe, if she IS certain about this, due to having some colleague on the go or any other solid reason, well... you would've gone some distance in getting past it, anyway, if you practice No Contact from now, and resist the urge at all costs, to fall at her feet or send even a little 'hey hows you' message.
On another level, entirely separate from trying to get her to reconsider, a sobering thought - she's been with you for eight months, seen what you have to offer, taken it into consideration, all your good points and drawbacks, all your uniqueness and bondings - and roundly decided to call it a day. Why chase that down? Be with someone who will at least offer a solid explanation for things and not just fart off as soon as the novelty wears off. Are you sure you WANT this person back when, as someone else has said, she might hop it at any minute? Especially if she knows that you're a chaser. Then she'll know she can pick you up and put you down whenever and you'll come running.
Don't be that guy. I understand why you would want closure or whatever, but right now you're more motivated in trying to get her back, so, don't try to disguise contact as 'simply wanting answers', 'cause that isn't what you're truly after right now. You want her to take it back (in which case, she would owe you an apology, as it's a big thing to call it off or call 'break', especially out of the blue just like that, and she shouldn't do it unless sure...), so, my advice offers the best chances.