Walk away or not

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Walk away or not

Postby JustMe72 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:35 am

Hi,

Been single for a few years, met a girl a month or so ago. We hit it off on every level, were both deep, loving. Have everything in common. Ive been single because after my divorce I wanted to have a soulmate, not settle foe second best.
Last week I had a msg that she wasn't ready to commit. After a few days she said she had something to tell me. I knew about her past as we've been honest from the start. She got involved with a separated man who went back to his wife. It hurt her. That was 8 months ago and he got back in touch about a week ago. Its thrown her, she says that she doesn't love him but needs to find herself and feels raw, that shes really confused. She cares about me but needs friendship, and cant promise anything. Now the problem is my feelings are growing deeper every time we see each other. Hurts thinking we wont be together. If we carry on as friends I will fall for her. Do I chance it as I think shes my soulmate or say goodbye?

Might be lame but feel I need help on this... I don't want to lose the chance of having that perfect person, but do not want to waste my time and get really hurt.

Thank you
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby Mrconfused74 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 1:50 pm

Firstly you say you don't want to settle for second best? Well it seems as that's what you're doing. If she has feelings for this guy, which she clearly does, then she's not completely into you. Secondly no you can't be friends, believe me I've been there and it'll only end up driving you mad. I was friends with a woman I fell for, whether it was real or just me being lonely and led on by her, but since I stopped seeing her I've felt much better. Only you can decide what to do, but I it was me its time to walk away. She may well decide you are what she wants but do you want to be second choice to a guy she can't be with?
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby JustMe72 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:07 pm

No I couldn't handle being someones second best. She's said that she doesn't love him but made her realise she needs to sort her head out. Maybe I'm just looking for help on the right thing to say to make her realise that its worth a go. And there isn't a right thing to say in reality. Just need the strength to say to her to stay away I guess
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby David020549 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:17 pm

She has been honest with you, no promises, you should carry on being friends for the time being. You will never find a new partner without taking a risk, so many have complex relationship history and lives the chances of finding a girl with no negative emotions is very low.
Maybe you will be disappointed but if you don't try to win her you will never know.
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby snail » Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:20 pm

I tend to agree with David... maybe you could limit the times you see each other, say to once a week or once a fortnight, to help you moderate your feelings?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Walk away or not

Postby JustMe72 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:25 pm

So what do you think would be the best thing to say to her? I need to keep her at arms length as I know ill fall for her. And she can see that hence saying she doesn't want to hurt me
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby JustMe72 » Tue Dec 08, 2015 2:27 pm

thank you for your answers. I'm trying to look at a positive in this.
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby Tarantula » Tue Dec 08, 2015 7:27 pm

I agree with Mr Confused.

At the end of the day, don't you want to be with somebody who is sure about you? She's been honest, yes, hats off to her for that... but that doesn't make the situation somehow good enough to invest in. Would you go into business with a penniless person in the street, if they were honest and upfront about how penniless they were?

My point is, it can be HONESTLY not a good situation to pursue. She's made her choice, passively or otherwise. She does still have feelings for this guy. She's checking out the happenings with him whilst keeping you on the line. Sorry but she wants to have it both ways (a-thankyou!).

Walk away. If this is supposed to happen, she will come to her senses and let you know she's good to go. Until then, withdraw your emotional investment and find a better match.

Don't be in her friendzone. That's about as far away from 'not settling for second best' that you can get.
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby JustMe72 » Wed Dec 09, 2015 5:33 pm

Ive told her I cant see her again, ruff last night but know its the right decision. I cant just be her friend, obviously I hope shell come asking but know that wont happen.. Thanks for the advise
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Re: Walk away or not

Postby Mrconfused74 » Wed Dec 09, 2015 7:15 pm

Just know it will get easier, walking away from someone you like is never easy, and you're right being friends wouldn't work either. And once youre over her you'll find someone that wants you as much as you want them.
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