by Minna » Wed Dec 30, 2015 7:40 pm
Hi there. What a sad situation for you all.
It does sound as though your partner is attracted to men. Perhaps he is still curious and nothing has happened. I don't think that possible lack of sex with you (forgive me if your sex life is good - this is just a presumption) would attract him to other men just because sex man-to-man is more available. I can't imagine a straight man would want sex with another man just because it was easier to get sex.
So your husband sounds bi-curious. What is he to do? This is a sad situation for him too. I don't think he would choose to be attracted to men (and that is not a criticism of bi's or gays) in the situation that he is in as, of course, he will still love you and his children - I'm sure that that love will always be there. His knee-jerk reaction will be to deny to you that he has feelings for men. He has probably been denying it to himself for a long time.
The question is - would you accept his 'bi' feelings, knowing that he still loves you and your children as much as ever and still wants to make love to you? Being bi-sexual is not something that will go away or something that he will 'get over'. He is the way he is. One day, his feelings could well overwhelm him and he will seek out a man for sex - perhaps more than once and with more than one man. Would you consider this as being unfaithful?
Some women (and men) will accept that their partners are attracted to the same sex, tolerating this because their partner, despite their 'flings', gives them love both emotionally and physically. But that is not really relevant to you. The question is, how would YOU feel?
Sit down with your partner and gently ask him what is going on with these viewings and texts. Try not to be angry or shocked. Being bi or gay is NOT wrong. But in your situation, where a loving partner and loved children are involved, it MUST be talked about. It cannot remain the 'elephant in the room'. It could be that you yourself will come to some sort of acceptance and understanding about his 'hidden' needs so that you can carry on as far as possible as you did before or, if you find that you cannot (and there is no right or wrong in the decision you make), then it would be better to have a 'friendly' separation/divorce for the sake of everyone, including your children of course.
Just remember that nobody is bad or in the wrong here, it's just unfortunate circumstances.
Good luck for the future.