Ladies viewpoint!

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Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sat Jan 02, 2016 4:53 pm

Not sure if this is the right forum for this but here goes, and admin please move if not in right place!

Ok so I've never thought of myself as attractive, in looks or in my body, and initially found it very hard to talk to women, as I got older this became easier, but I always felt when in a relationship that soon as someone slimmer and better looking came along id be dumped. And as a result id be very possessive and not trust my partner. Which I learnt to realise is what pushed them away and in a lot of cases into the arms of someone else. Which didn't help my self esteem any. Even when it came to sex, I was very conscious of my body, yes in every way! But only once did anyone say that I wasn't the biggest?? But before that no one seemed to have an issue. So entering any new relationship for me was always a concern.
Recently I've had women that seem to be paying more attention to me, either more friendly an even though I can't always tell maybe even flirting, one is overally flirty and will take things further even as suggest anytime anywhere lol, others less so, even ones that never really talked to me before. So I guess my question is, what is it women really want? Someone with confidence that may not be the whole package physically, or do they want the pretty package but not much else?
I mean I can be very direct, funny an confident, but also be able to listen and give advice!
I guess I'm asking as this year I've decided it's now or never to change my body, by exercising, and perhaps that will make me feel better in myself, but is that enough for women?? Thanks
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby David020549 » Sun Jan 03, 2016 5:30 pm

As no ladies have replied here is a start I will probably get shot down but what the hell!

What Women Want?. That is an impossible question because they all want different things in a man and that changes with time, a 17 yr old has different wants compared to a 40 yr old or a 60 yr old. So your happy go lucky, careless teenager will be very different in 10 or 20 yrs time, whereas you have probably not changed much at all.

Obviously very attractive women have a wider choice of men but a certain type of man will appeal to each one, you often hear " not my type " take type to mean tall, short, athletic, chunky, quiet, loud, dominant, submissive, money, power and a whole lot of other nuances. The things that they all have in common is they want a man that is honest, trustworthy, predictable and will treat them well.

You mention physical looks, probably personality and character is more important. As your user name is M-----74 I will assume you are 40 or so, at that age you have a wide age range to date depending what you want in a woman. With a 20 yr old you could have a family, a 30 yr old could give you a ready made family and maybe more, or maybe a career woman of 40 with no kids would suit you. The first two examples are fairly easy to pair up with, a career woman of 40 may not be, she may have had a string of failed relationships, have a senior job with a good salary and have lived the independant lifestyle for many years. She will be very cautious about changing and you will need to change as well, to have a successful partnership you have to have common aims and goals and be prepared to spend time with each other, not just live in the same house.

There is a wide choice of single women, just socialise, face to face and online, be the nice guy you are, chat generally about work, holidays, films, TV all the usual rubbish, notice their clothes, hair, shoes etc. Let them know you are single, if they are interested they will progress the chat, the rest follows on.

Best of luck,
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Strawberry shortcake » Tue Jan 05, 2016 11:35 pm

Every woman is different to what they want so what someone finds attractive another may not.

I'm a woman so I ll say some things I like in a man. I'm in my early 40's btw when I was 20 I just wanted a bad boy for some reason - not anymore !

Pleasant looking - not gorgeous. I'd need to find someone physically attractive of course but realistically I don't want a 6 pack or Brad Pitt lookalike - someone too gorgeous may make me feel inferior.

Manly yet gentle - not afraid to express his feelings, confident but not arrogant. I like a man to look after me, woo me, be caring, kind. Not a complete puppy dog though - we do need to be put in our place occasionally.

A gentleman, manners, thoughtful, he listens, is there for you when u have problems, a sense of humour, someone u can have banter with, a laugh but who can be serious when needs to be.

Very important to me (and single mothers) is someone who will be nice/get along with their child and friends - someone who isn't a complete embarrassment to take out. Or if younger the woman maybe looking for potential father material - would he make a good dad etc.

A man whose hard working, has a job, generous but not to the point where his woman is a high maintenance gold digger - he needs to have the confidence to say no once in a while.

We just like to be made to feel special and that doesn't mean by money it's by someone being thoughtful. The best way to turn on a woman is through her brain!

The best thing you can do is just be yourself a friendly pleasant person. No one wants a fake - the right person will come along and love you for who YOU are. So if you go to the gym do it for your own health reasons and your own self confidence not for a woman !

We don't want much lol - I've probably left off loads - good luck!!


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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Jan 07, 2016 2:26 pm

Thanks guys,

I do generally just behave like myself, any weight loss is purely for my own benefit not for others, well not initially.
I do feel that if I was lighter then I'd feel better in myself and more confident.
I appreciate that all women like something different, and it's difficult to say exactly why they do certain things, if they are flirting etc, because what may be flirting to one is not to another. I was just hoping for an insight.
Oh and hey strawberry you sound a lovely lady, you single?????? sorry kidding,
But I get what you say about listening and being honest, I had a friend I got too close too on my part, and was clearly reading things wrong which is why I asked the question... Thanks
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby snail » Thu Jan 07, 2016 3:52 pm

While a sexual/romantic relationship is obviously unique, I think people are still looking for many of the same things in a partner as they would in a friend - someone whom you can respect, who is honest, who can be relied on to do what they say they will do, and who brightens up your day in some way, such as with interesting chat or wanting to do fun things. It's easy to overlook those things but without them no relationship will last.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Jan 07, 2016 5:28 pm

Thanks Snail, I know exactly what you mean, my problem seems to be I get into that 'friend zone' and can't get out of it again. It's like the last woman I became friends with, it got to a stage where I was always there for her, I'd give her advice, and help her, listen to her problems and act as a sounding board, which I guess all friends should do, the issue was she was and is clearly in a relationship out of want, in that she doesn't feel she will find anyone else. It's almost like the way he acts he's demeaning her, making her feel like she won't find anyone, or it could just be that she feels no one would want a 40 something mother, when in fact they would. I mean why would you say that it's good to be bad now and again, when referring to another guy when she said he'd thought about kissing her, if you were in a happy loving relationship?
Which is where I wonder where I go wrong, I've had single female friends, but never tried anything, through fear of losing that friendship, I've had a relationship with one but remained friends after.
So am I too nice? Do I go to far into friendship before taking a chance? Or do I just pick girls like this last one, where it's unlikely anything could happen, although when we started talking I never knew she was attached, just divorced. I always seem to help them out, before allowing someone else to step in and sweep them away?
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby David020549 » Sun Jan 10, 2016 9:07 am

Reading your last post and picking up on the story of the woman already in a relationship and listening to her problems etc. I think this is fairly common, married women are often very open about their home relationships IF you do not know their husband/partner, they would be very different if you knew him. A lot, maybe most women want more from their relationship, they are not thinking divorced but there is no way they will give up the security they have for the unknown, " the devil you know is better than the devil you don't".

If you are seriously looking for a partner then women that are already single is going to be much less complicated, the dating sites have at least twice as many women than men and they WANT a new relationship. Not always a live in partner but often a regular boyfriend that will treat her nicely and boost her morale, without getting in the way of her everyday life, kids, job etc. Then maybe when she has decided you are the real deal she will take it further, she is not a star struck teenager the everyday realities of life are known and unless you are offering a distinct improvement why would she change!.
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Strawberry shortcake » Sun Jan 10, 2016 10:13 pm

Yes mr confused I am haha!


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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:09 am

David I totally get what your saying, but I seem to always get drawn to the unobtainable, I can't say I intentially look for woman that are attached, and in this case I didn't know she was till I was already attracted to her. And i perhaps was under the illusion that I could be the one to make her happy and give her what she wants. But recently she's not made any effort to talk, and although we've chatted a few times I know that she has been texting even meeting another guy, I'm not jealous just perhaps let down that even though I was a friend I never showed my feelings and was there but she's happy to drop me. I guess even at my age I still act like a love struck school boy. And I'm sure I'll learn from this.

Oh and strawberry shortcake! I'll beat that in mind, although you seem like such a lovely lady, any guy would be lucky to to be with you! Anywhere near the east of England??
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Strawberry shortcake » Fri Jan 15, 2016 8:01 pm

Haha I'm in the south east !


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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Fri Jan 15, 2016 8:43 pm

Hmmm well closer than it could've been! Interesting !
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Strawberry shortcake » Fri Jan 15, 2016 8:51 pm

Haha!


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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Fri Jan 15, 2016 8:57 pm

Interesting the title of this topic!!! Haha
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby spacegirl » Sun Feb 14, 2016 3:40 pm

Hello, you posted this a wee while ago so hopefully my tuppence will still be relevant for you.

Can I just say first of all that regarding your comment about being possessive/lack of trust is unfortunately probably what drove a lot of women away, as opposed to an attraction to the slimmer/more attractive version. It is a vicious circle - your own insecurities are probably doing you more harm than good.

In my opinion there are some very shallow women, like there are shallow men, interested first and foremost in looks and material possessions. However most women want someone they enjoy spending time with, that they can have a laugh with, and be comfortable and happy with. Someone who is kind, attentive, generous and makes an effort. The man doesn't have to be George Clooney with the body of a footballer (!) but a man that makes an effort by taking care of his appearance and doing some exercise is attractive. Also for me anyway, someone who works hard and matches my ambitions and interests is important.

It's interesting Strawberry Shortcake said the same re gorgeous men, we like to admire them on telly but it's not actually what we want!

A man who is happy in himself is an extremely attractive quality, moreso than physical looks. It sounds like women are showing you attention and you don't quite have the confidence to take things forward. These women are seeing something in you that you don't see yourself! Being direct, forward and confident is one thing, but truly being confident within yourself is another and we can see the difference.

Spend some time on yourself as you said - join the gym and get a bit fitter (not particularly to lose loads of weight or anything but fitness automatically makes you more confident), accept yourself for who you are and focus your energy on being charming and letting these women know you are interested! And ditch the jealousy... nothing worse. If you have an interest or a hobby, pursue it, you might meet someone with a similar interest :)

PS size doesn't matter, it's what you do with it that counts! ;)
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Re: Ladies viewpoint!

Postby Mrconfused74 » Sun Feb 14, 2016 6:13 pm

I'm not really the gym going type, although I do try and keep in shape the motivation isn't always there, so I tend to do it sporadically. I know that not every woman wants a George clooney type, but in my experience whether I've pushed them to it or not, they have always gone for someone the total opposite of me.

Perhaps that's why I always get attracted to the unobtainable women, be that they are way out my league, or in this occasion they are attached. But I see guys with stunning women and think how the hell did you pull her?? Maybe they are rich, maybe they have big abilities lol I just don't know.
As for the confidence piece, I don't lack it, in every other aspect of life I am, some might say it's arrogance as there may well be a fine line between the two, but I don't think I am. I hear women want a guy that's attentive to their needs, listens and is there for them, which I am, but for whatever reason it's just not enough. There are women I flirt with and that do flirt back, but they just aren't what I'm looking for, sure if I wanted sex ( which I do) I could get it, but that's not to say if enjoy it, particularly with the issue I mentioned. But I want more than that, I just can't find a woman that's available that has all the traits I like. Perhaps my issue with my size blocks me from going for it so to speak with women, and I choose the unobtainable ones as I know there's no chance of it going anywhere???

And Spacegirl thanks for that last line, if anything it made me smile, but for unpublishable reasons I can't say why I feel that way :/
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