Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Dolly11 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:09 am

Hey
I started dating this guy a month ago, we have seen eachother a lot In this time and become really close, but over the past week I have had a horrible gut feeling something isn't right!
On Sunday I went round and his 'female friend' was round they have know eachother for years apparently and just mates anyway she left but it just didn't sit well with me, anyway I went round last night and she was there again! He said she's poorly and she went to sleep in his bed while we sat and watched a film, I left late and all I could think was, he has to go to bed and she will also be in the bed!!! Everything was running through my mind! It's upset me deeply and he's txt me an hour ago (haven't replied) he's round at hers she's really really ill! I'm so annoyed and upset. I have typed out a txt ready to end it!
Am I being crazy jealous or what? He tells me she's round and she's met me twice briefly, and tonight he could have lied and said he was home and not hers. But my heads all over!

Help
Dolly11
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:58 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby David020549 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 8:17 am

If you expect to have him all to yourself, forget it, even if his story is true and she is ill, you won't be able to get it out of your head and always doubt him. If you let him talk his way out of this he will take it as carte blanche to do what he wants.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 334
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 12:55 pm

You said you'd rather he lied and told you he was alone and at his place! Now if he did and when you're next there and this girl is too and it gets mentioned, woul you feel more jealous and that angry that he lied to you? Or pleased that he tried to hide it???? Men can have female friends and not want to have sex with them, they can have female friends that they do fancy but she doesn't so they just remain friends. What you need to decide is whether you can trust him enough! If not and your jealousy gets the better of you the chances are you'll drive him away. So either accept it and get to know his friend maybe you'll hit it off with her, or leave him as eventually it'll destroy the relationship anyway.
Mrconfused74
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 257
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:24 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Dolly11 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 2:27 pm

I just can't speak to him yet as I'm so angry. But I really think I need to end it
Dolly11
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:58 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Dolly11 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:05 pm

Mrconfused74 wrote:You said you'd rather he lied and told you he was alone and at his place! Now if he did and when you're next there and this girl is too and it gets mentioned, woul you feel more jealous and that angry that he lied to you? Or pleased that he tried to hide it???? Men can have female friends and not want to have sex with them, they can have female friends that they do fancy but she doesn't so they just remain friends. What you need to decide is whether you can trust him enough! If not and your jealousy gets the better of you the chances are you'll drive him away. So either accept it and get to know his friend maybe you'll hit it off with her, or leave him as eventually it'll destroy the relationship anyway.


I didn't say I would rather he lie! If you read it
Dolly11
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:58 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 5:00 pm

Sorry, he could've lied yes, but again would that have helped if you'd found out he lied? Or made you think the worse, the fact he told you means he didn't want to hide it. So in that sense he's being honest, but you seem set on finishing it so your mind seems made up. If it was me I'd ask if there was anything between them either now or in the past, if there isn't it could all be innocent, and you could be throwing it away over nothing. It's your choice.
Mrconfused74
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 257
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:24 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Dolly11 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 6:54 pm

Mrconfused74 wrote:Sorry, he could've lied yes, but again would that have helped if you'd found out he lied? Or made you think the worse, the fact he told you means he didn't want to hide it. So in that sense he's being honest, but you seem set on finishing it so your mind seems made up. If it was me I'd ask if there was anything between them either now or in the past, if there isn't it could all be innocent, and you could be throwing it away over nothing. It's your choice.


This is what I'm thinking, I haven't brought anything up to him yet. But I think what have I got to lose hey?
I asked if he was in later and he's not replied yet. Maybe it's a good time to bring it up?
Dolly11
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2016 11:58 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Feb 18, 2016 8:15 pm

Exactly, just ask and hopefully he'll open up and tell you! Either way you deserve to know then can decide what you want to do! Good luck
Mrconfused74
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 257
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2015 11:24 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Minna » Fri Feb 19, 2016 4:44 pm

Hi Dolly. The question is that even if they have never been sexually involved, she remains a VERY close friend (I have several friends, but I can only count one or two really close ones where I would be confident to just crash out in their bed and be out of their company for however long, because I hadn't been feeling well!!).

They act like a loving brother and sister and your boyfriend appears to be happy to be there for her whenever she needs him. Even when he (and presumably she) knew you were visiting him, he did not put her off. Nor, for that matter, did she (or he) appear to think it odd that she should be there (in his bed!)when you arrived. She must have known what it looked like, even if he was perhaps too insensitive to realise. The bottom line is, she should not have been there.

So, she doesn't sound as if she is very concerned about your feelings. Come to think of it, he doesn't either ...

Perhaps it IS all innocent. But the thing is, even if it is innocent, she will always be there - it doesn't sound as if she is going anywhere in the future. Should you continue going out with this man, will you be happy living in what would, in effect, be almost a "threesome" relationship??
Minna
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 33
Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:40 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby David020549 » Fri Feb 19, 2016 5:02 pm

Minna's last paragraph sums it up nicely, even if it is innocent it would be a threesome and fall apart sooner or later.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 334
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: Angry? Upset? Or just stupid?

Postby Tarantula » Sun Feb 21, 2016 11:34 am

F that. Total boundary breach. Oh, the word 'fwends' - covers all manner of sins doesn't it?

I wouldn't be caught dead sharing my man's bed with another woman in any context bar family coming to visit.

This is way too weird, probably they've got something going on, and even if not, the whole thing, it's just flipping weird! Like, is there nowhere else she could go? The fact of how obvious it LOOKS should be enough for him to consider your obvious feelings and be like nah.

Now. Don't go in guns blazing, unless you want to go down in his history as the crazy one. Just arrange to meet him for coffee and calmly explain that you feel he's not respecting the relationship by having another woman in his bed, ill or not, and that - regardless of whether anything has happened sexually between them, it isn't the kind of thing you're looking for or willing to accept.

Then thanks him for the compliment of asking you out and leave, head held high.

Don't get caught up trying to justify WHY you ain't comfortable with it - if he can't see that (and he can't, or he wouldn't be doing it), that's his issue.

Poise and dignity at all times!! Don't be a victim in relation to this situation, just get down to brass tracks: this isn't good enough for you, so all you can do is wish him well and move on - rather than hang around trying to get your point across and change him, which will only make him resent you and think 'I'm glad to be rid of her!'

Your feelings are totally understandable and your point of view is justified. Now go find a man who won't put you in this awkward-af situation.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 898
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm


Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], David020549 and 4 guests