Husband hides money and lies :(

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Husband hides money and lies :(

Postby sasha115 » Sun May 08, 2016 8:27 pm

This is a long story so I will condense as much as I can
Been married for 7 years, together 10. He took on my 2 now aged 18 and 19 and at uni and we had 2 small ones together 5 & 6. I met him after a bad relationship with my ex, violent and abusive. He is 7 years younger than me. I am 42. He had a problem with drugs (cocaine) when we met and said he would stop as it was obviously a no-no to me with children. He stopped however I found out when pregnant with my 6 year old, that he had bought some cocoaine from a mutual friend. I went crazy and he again promised he'd stop. I then kept finding cannabis in his work bag and again the same conversation took place. Once again I gave him a chance. He then began to drink heavily. Leaving me stranded with no money or key on nights out and falling over and injuring himself, you name it. The little kids were always asking why daddy was being silly (drunk). I left him for 3 months when he let a work colleague crash on our sofa and didn't ask me. I got up in the night naked and found him. I screamed and he was embarrassed and I was devastated. For 3 months we lived apart and I was really happy. Felt relieved. He was crying anf begging all the time and my big kids were v angry with me as he's the only dad they know. Little ones were upset but didn't really understand. After those 3 months we decided to try again. It was OK at first and he promised he would be honest. He stopped drinking and replaced that addition with another as he always does. This time mountain biking. He then began to hide money away (he gets around £100 a week cash in hand) I knew he was hiding it as I'd find big envelopes of notes stashed away hidden in his wardrobe. He never gave me a penny or did anything to the house but bought a bike for £3000 etc so it was obvious he's keeping all the money to himself. Meanwhile I'm struggling to help my eldest 2 through uni..we cant even afford a holiday...final straw was last week when a work mate of his told me he has been keeping their tips £150 to himself and that he won £250 on a footie bet. He never told me or gave me anything to help towards the kids at uni and the little ones school club. All of these lies have left me exhausted and with no trust or respect for him. He's lied so many times, bought cameras for £1200 and told me it was £400 (I found receipt) and spent £1000 on a telescope he never uses...odd things like that.. and this £400 a month cash I never see....a few friends have wondered if he's gambling. Or saving if I tell him it's over again so he can get a flat. I'm just raging about being lied to. I work part time and have now saved £3000 myself which also makes me a liar as he knows nothing about it. Totally against my beliefs but I feel he has pushed me into it and i need to have a little nest egg for my kids. I'm not in love with him, haven't had sex with him for almost a year and quite frankly if it wasn't for my kids getting hurt and needing him for childcare I'd leave him. I told him a few weeks ago and he said he knew I'd leave him one day but he loves me and is prepared to put up with that. He has NO friends and I'm not exaggerating either. He goes to the cinema alone and meets up with a bike group once a week but tbeure just acquaintances. Nobody ever calls him. Work colleagues call him blinky as he blinks a lot when he starts to lie...something he does a lot at work too. I look forward to going to work as my colleagues are fantastic and we laugh and laugh (were yoth workers) He has never really made me laugh to be honest anyway. I feel at the moment I have no choice but to zip it and carry on as we are. It's killing me inside.
sasha115
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 08, 2016 7:07 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Husband hides money and lies :(

Postby David020549 » Tue May 10, 2016 9:14 pm

As no one else has replied, here goes. Reading your story I think you have been a martyr long enough, at 42 you are still young, in fact you probably have at least as many years in front of you. It is your choice wether you continue living with a husband you really don't trust and don't seem to like much, after all those years he is not going to change.
So now the younger kids are school age and you can work more regularly it would be a good time to make the break, there is never a perfect time but don't make it harder by choosing a bad time. Maybe you will find another partner or maybe you will just enjoy the kids and have fun with your friends.
If you are short of cash tell the older kids to find part time work and pay their own way, they can if they try, girls usually do, boys avoid it if at all possible.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: Husband hides money and lies :(

Postby sasha115 » Thu May 12, 2016 7:25 am

Thank you so much for replying as I've been desperately waiting. Maybe it seems like a non problem to a lot of people but it's really starting to get me down. I have crohns disease too and worry that it will flare up as I'm internalising all the stress. You've said exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you x
sasha115
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 08, 2016 7:07 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Husband hides money and lies :(

Postby David020549 » Fri May 13, 2016 12:56 pm

You hadn't mentioned your health problems, happiness and health are directly related if you are under stress continually you are far more likely to have all sorts of illnesses. Best of luck whatever your decision.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 336
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: Husband hides money and lies :(

Postby rufio89 » Fri May 13, 2016 8:54 pm

I hadn't replied because I didnt feel I had anything helpful to add, but I agree with David. Also for what it's worth, this is a genuine problem, and certainly not a "non problem". Start prioritising you and your physical and mental health. Hugs.
rufio89
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2565
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:05 pm
Location: Nottingham
Gender: Female


Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 8 guests

cron