should i marry a cheat...

[Ladylove1]

Should I marry my cheating boyfriend…….

Hes 39 im 33, we have been going out now 3 years, up until now I thought we had a great relationship… however iv recently found out he cheated on me with 2 girls.

One he meet for date behind my back when I was on a girls night out – they kissed, I read this on his phone. he said she perused him and as soon as he was there he knew he wanted to leave and it was just a peck on the lips. and the other was with a married woman with which the husband caught them together and told me. This was at a house party where the husband was upstairs. I literally found this all out within 2 days. The 2 incidents happened a month apart.i have no other reason to believe he has cheated other than this.

Hes denying sleeping with the married woman but by the sounds of it it was abit more than just kissing.

Im totally devastated by this all, we get on so well and im the one with the higher sex drive, we had talked about getting engaged and married for a few months before he cheated and he said he would propose very soon, I acutally though he might have propsed that week I found out he cheated…. I Just don’t understand him ;( Iv asked him to explain to me why he has done this…but he cant, just keeps saying how stuid he was and that he loves me etc

We have obviously split up, he is constantly crying lost over a stone in weight and is begging me back for the last 4 months, saying how stupid he was and that he will never do anything like this again and beggin me to marry him and that he has truly changed and learnt a serious life lesson and that he will spend the rest of his life making it up to me. I can see now that we had poor communication before, because since this has happened we have talked allot about our feelings and our relationship, I actually feel closer to him now in a weird way.

I really love him and I can see he is genuinely has changed and is making such an effort, I just don’t think I can ever trust him again after this, can he really change?….should I give him another chance? Another thing is im nearly 34 I want to get married and have children I could ruin my chances of ever having children if we don’t get back, am I really going to meet someone else and get married by 35, and whos to say they wont cheat either….I know il be very happy with him the only thing is the trust…..i really want to forgive him its just so hard and I get so angry…it would be easier to accept if we were fighting or there was a reason for this but to me it was just such a shock

Should i forgive him and get married or start from scratch and hope I can met someone else ….?

[David020549]

Most men are adventurers and his little flirtatious adventure has backfired on him badly, but from what you say it was only flirting and no more. You say he is begging forgiveness, wants to get married and seems to be truly repentant, can you forgive him?.

Forgiveness means never mentioning his transgression ever again, not even in the heat of an argument, do you think you can do that, if you do ever use it against him to make a point you have not forgiven him .

If you love him and want kids, he is your best bet, you have made him suffer for 4 months and he still wants you, a great many men would have given up after a month or so and moved on. You have the tactical advantage, calling the shots and can steer him any way you want, get back together and see how you feel in a month or so, don't write him off just yet.

[Ladylove1]

It was more than flirting he kissed them both...maybe more with the married woman (although I don't think he slept with her).....

Thanks so much for your reply

[snail]

The trouble is this is twice in the first three years of the relationship - the honeymoon period. You say the first one he actually arranged a date - that's very deliberate and determined. If he's interested in getting together with other women now, what on earth will he be like when you've been married several years and things have lost all their novelty? What will he be like when you're exhausted and stressed and frumpy from pregnancy or being up all night looking after young children? You don't want to go into that sort of thing with someone you can't rely on.

33 is still young, even reproductively. If you really love him and want him, then give him another chance and see how it works out, but don't do it just because of your age. You have lots of time to meet someone else if that's what you would genuinely prefer.

[Ladylove1]

Thank you,your advice is very similar to what my sister has said about everything...

[Tarantula]

Do not get back with him. As snail has said, this has all happened at what is supposed to be the easiest point in your relationship.

Don't let your age be a reason to settle. There are so many men out there, show some self-value and don't go back.

The problem is, if you go back, even after months of his begging, deep down, in his mind, very privately.... he will know that he can get away with it.

Unfortunately there's no way around this. If you go back to him after any length of time, he'll know that if he keeps begging and calling, you'll cave in eventually. Are you a person who caves in to a guy who cheats? Is that where you want to be?

It's been a few months since you split, so it's time for you to get on some dates with new men who will treat you better. Read the title of your post. You didn't say 'should I marry a wonderful man who made one mistake once'. You said 'should I marry a cheat?'

Is that even something you need somebody else to answer for you?

He'll do it again, if you go back. 100%. And I worry that you will think back to this point and wish so badly that you could have your time again.