problem in bedroom

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problem in bedroom

Postby nannymax » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:24 am

ive been married nearly 10 years at first things was going well. then about 5 year s ago i was taken ill.anyway over time i started getting better. but our love life had nearly stopped . like in 5years we made love about 3 times there is no kissing or anything. so the other night i asked him are we ever going to make love again. he said no you know what i like. ..so he wants me to dress up in stocking and suspenders every time i want sex with him . ive tried talking to him but nothing will give. so at the moment im in the spar bedroom and it looks like that is where im going to stay
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Re: problem in bedroom

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon Aug 22, 2016 12:23 pm

Did you use to dress up for him? If not it's possible that over time he may well have been masturbating to videos or pictures of women in lingerie. And as a result this is the only way he can now get turned on.
Does the thought of dressing up for him offend you, or put you off sex? You may well need to do so, if you love him and want to have a sex life again, then over time perhaps initiate sex without wearing it. Or perhaps try something different, like a camisole. Try other things too, like massages, or a quickie in the morning, this way you take away the need to dress up, as I'm sure once aroused he will forget your not dressed. Good luck.
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Re: problem in bedroom

Postby johnay » Wed Aug 24, 2016 5:54 pm

Your sex life sounds rather one sided. None of us should expect to demand sex in only one way and our way at that. Marriage and the sex in it should be something you both share together sometimes pleasing one more than the other but always reciprocated. Can't you both compromise?? One time you dress up and the next time it's your turn to do things your way. It's not good to have a sexless marriage and surely your husband must know that most women prefer to be made love to not to be a sexual plaything for a man to make demands of all the time. It strikes me that some counselling would be a great idea especially after you have been ill. I'd expect you'd need support at this stage in your recuperation to accomplish a satisfying love life.
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Re: problem in bedroom

Postby David020549 » Sun Aug 28, 2016 7:34 am

First step get back into bed with him and start kissing again, get a short nightie let him see you in it, don't talk just snuggle up to him, kiss his back if he doesn't respond, maybe it will take a few days but don't get offended if he doesn't respond immediately.
Quite likely he thinks you have been using illness as an excuse for not making love and had gone off him, it is very easy to get into a cycle of him being rejected continually, moving on to not bothering to try, then rejecting your advances as revenge. When he does thaw out and he will, make sure that you keep up lovemaking or he will lapse into the same cycle, men have fragile egos.
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Re: problem in bedroom

Postby Tarantula » Sun Aug 28, 2016 1:03 pm

I agree with johnay 100%. 'My way or the high way' - not a good way to be.

It's not just about actual sex either, but intimacy as a whole. It sounds like there's no affection in general?
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Re: problem in bedroom

Postby fairy_of_darkness2 » Mon Sep 05, 2016 11:54 am

I don't believe you should have to do anything to gain the affection of your loved one it should be natural and unspoken.

I would sit down and explain how this makes you feel and that you miss feeling affection and love from him. It isn't fair for him to demand you do something for him to want it.
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