Advice for my friend at work

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Re: Advice for my friend at work

Postby razbo » Mon Aug 29, 2016 10:37 pm

I maybe have done this bum about face but I'm not use to this so here's the rest...

I'll get right to it, a while ago now I started spending a lot of time with a girl at work she is 21, we were getting on really well and then like a bolt from the blue I realized I had developed feelings for this person, before I could express my feelings she became pregnant. I know I know a lot of guys would have run for the hills but about mid pregnancy she split up with the farther and so I took the bull by the horns so to speak and told her how I felt. She told me it was too soon after her breakup and she didn't want to start something yet, ok I said and left it at that. She had the kid end of November 2015 by the end of December 2015 she was with a new bf who she is currently with. I spoke to her in December 2015 telling her that this was to much for my feelings to deal with and that we would only be able to carry on at work as colleges as the friendship we had before was out of the question, her response to this was "I'm fine with that". Come march 2016 I had seen her a few times out and about and so as per my last I had kept my distance, then came a works do in March 2016 ok I think there'll be loads of ppl out I don't have to speak to her how wrong was I, twice in 2 bars she came to me asking why things could not be as they were before indeed she dragged me out on one bar by my shirt collar. I told her both times NO, pointing out my feelings for her made this impossible. She since that had returned to work after her maternity, I was hoping we could get along as just colleges as we had discussed on 3 spate occasions now. The 1st week back she was telling my friends at work that I wasn't speaking to her and that me and her had no chance to witch I replied drama queen, she knows the score. Then she started asking me to do her little jobs such as collect that or call this person up or go to the shops for milk ect on all occasions I was politely refused. when ever I pass her she sticks her bottom lip out and gives me the biggest frown ever but never says anything. I would like to point out she is still with her bf from December 2015 who is due to go away for 6 months he being a soldier so you would expect she would have little time or want to devote attention to a works crush also being a single mum, now I have since she came back only ever tried to be polite and professional towards her while maintaining the set boundaries I have mentioned but it seems that well I'm not sure how to explain it she has issue with this despite our previous conversations. Now is she trying to keep me as a backup plan in case her current bf dose not work out, is she out to just not listening to what I've said and thinks it will all blow over in time or what? How should I proceed? should I stick to my current cores and do nothing or pull her up on it again?
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Re: Advice for my friend at work

Postby Tarantula » Thu Sep 01, 2016 1:20 pm

Get as far away from her as you can.

Yes, you're the backup. You're the 'if and when I feel like it.' And not even necessarily for a relationship or anything sexual - she probably just likes the ego feed of having you around, knowing how you feel. You are so far in the friendzone, and you need to get out, now. By getting over her.

She's a mess and you don't want to go there - even if you think you do. She will play with your feelings at her leisure and discard you when you're no longer of use. She sounds like an immature little girl with a lot of genuine issues that she needs to address. Ask yourself why you're interested, when from your point of view, you could go for someone who simply isn't such a disaster waiting to happen?

If I sound critical of her, it's only because I think she is an irresponsible mother and bit of a joke. You'll be the punchline if you continue to be 'strategic' about her or carry any hope whatsoever. She's known, this whole time, how you feel about her but it didn't stop her from using you for pity parties about her bf.

Gotta move on, bro!
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Re: Advice for my friend at work

Postby Mrconfused74 » Thu Sep 01, 2016 2:41 pm

Tarantula is right, you're the one she goes too when she feels down, or needs something, she knows how you feel and plays on it. Trust me I've been there. So get out, only talk to her on a professional basis of you have too, otherwise steer clear. Hopefully she'll get the message and move on to someone else. If you don't it could put your job at risk too, if she's immature as she sounds then she could well make your working life a problem too, so stay away.
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Re: Advice for my friend at work

Postby razbo » Sun Sep 11, 2016 5:05 pm

Other day she past me and my mate linked arm in arm with another lad at work saying they were off to shag in the back, when she came out and I'd gone my mate asked what that was all about, she said that she had herd I'd got laid last week. She then asked me to if I could get her some dinner as she hadn't had any, I said ok, when I left she was sat grinning at me. While out she rang me asking me not to get her anything as she had to leave early. What game is she playing???
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