Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or suggestio

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Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or suggestio

Postby Roughgems » Sat Oct 08, 2016 6:01 am

I have recently left a long term relationship/marriage after discovering my Ex had been secretly watching and indulging in lesbian porn. She admitted that she was bi sexual for a large part of our marriage and that she felt confused by her sexuality. Prior to leaving her I got chatting to a gal online. We eventually met up and the inevitable happened. We have a lot in common and have been seeing each other on and off for 2 years now. She never married and has no kids.We get on really well and have become really attached. She wants me to sell my flat and move into hers, but something just doesn't seem right. I have had a couple of red flag moments with her and I'm just unsure what to do for the best. The first one happened when I introduced her to a friend of mine while on holiday. We all had a bit to drink and she insisted on snogging him in front of me, albeit briefly. The next day she down played it and put it down to the drink and some light hearted banter. I will admit that she is very sexually experienced compared to my vanilla marraige and tries to dominate me in the bed room in a fun way.

On another occasion she opened up about her past and explained that she only had 5 partners before me 3 had been married and two were single guys, one of whom turned out to be gay. She said that she moved in with the gay guy before he told her about his sexuality. She said he had a very small penis and that she managed the best she could but loved him. During the conversation I asked her about how her other partners were in comparison to the gay guy. She could have floored me when she stated that her first love before the gay guy and her third boyfriend were massively well endowed. So much so that she could not fit them in during certain positions. I have to admit I was taken aback by her honesty and tried to play it cool. I said to her that I always wanted to see my partner sexually fulfilled by a very well endowed guy. She just quipped, as pleasureable as a huge big cock is, it can be very painfull also.

There was another two minor red flag occasions with my girlfriend. One of them was in her local pub. When a drunk guy tried to chat her up. She had a few drinks herself and did nothing to put the guy off. Eventully he attracted the rest of his company over to our group. Later that evening they tried to get us back to theirs for a party. My GF was up for it but her sister grabbed her into her taxi and that put paid to that. Another time at a concert when I was coming back from the toilet I went to ask her if she wanted a drink from the bar, she was surrounded by a bunch of guys whom were manhandling her and she was actively enjoying herself until she saw me. I went to the bar and came back and she had returned to our original place. She went all quiet and sheepish and made up some story about the guys wanting her to take their pic.

Those minor things aside, she is fun to be with. I just have this wee niggling doubt about her. Maybe I just need to stay single and get out more. Maybe I am just looking for excuses to end things.

What do you folks think ?
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby David020549 » Sat Oct 08, 2016 8:54 pm

You have a very "experienced" lady whose past has been very colourful, your red flag concerns are well founded, you need to decide how you are going to handle her if you decide to be her boyfriend. Most women have previous boyfriends or relationships, some have quite a few, most are wise enough not to discuss past boyfriends certainly not compare them.
At some stage she will decide to settle and down stop flirting - almost all do, in the meantime enjoy her company but dont have any long term expectations.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Sat Oct 08, 2016 10:11 pm

I think your opinion is pretty much similar to mine.
I would plan to give he a bit more time to see if there are anymore slip ups. I am no angel myself but don't want to waste any more time to a wasteful relationship.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Tarantula » Mon Oct 10, 2016 10:54 am

Verdict: no longterm future here, and if she's like that when you're around, then when you're not...?
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Mon Oct 10, 2016 11:23 am

That's a fair point. That did cross my mind.
Has anybody been in my position and given their partner the benefit of the doubt and they have went on to let you down ?
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Mrconfused74 » Mon Oct 10, 2016 3:13 pm

So you were with someone! It wasn't great so hooked up with another girl, then had the cheek to question their past? It seems to be you're not ready for another relationship just yet, and just need to enjoy yourself for a while, before embarking on another relationship. Everyone has a past, and for whatever reason people seem to want to know about it, how many partners, size, what they did. All that should matter is how they treat you, and you treat them. So for get any idea of being in a relationship with anyone and just enjoy being single for a while.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:09 pm

Thank you for that advice.
Like I said to her, our past has no place in or future.
If I am judging her it's on her behaviour now. As she will rightly do with me.
I have kinda hinted to my GF that we should enjoy our current situation of being able to have our own space.
The difficulty for her is that she has been out the dating game a long time and wants this union quicker than me.
Whereas I am trying to slow things down so that we both don't rush in and make a huge mistake, If that makes sense
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby David020549 » Tue Oct 11, 2016 7:23 am

Don't write her off just yet, the only way to really get to know someone is to live with them, she wants you to move in with her so do that but don't sell your place, rent it out for the time being then you have options if it does not work.
You will quickly find out if she wants to settle down and also wether you can handle her, this means not just the way she socialises and dresses but the way that she interacts with you day to day, does she want her own way with everything or is she willing to compromise. A lot depends on your personality, if it is strong you have a good chance, if you go with the flow for a quiet life it probably won't work.

One of my nephews James married Angie - tall, blonde and very hot, 4 years older than him she had been around a lot. Nobody gave them any chance, the women disliked her, the men were scared of her - get the picture. James however is a very strong character, she settled down they are a good match and 18 years on they have 2 lovely daughters, Angie is still spirited and good fun, still enjoys occasional weekends and trips with her girlfriends, she changed a lot now everyone likes Angie.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:12 am

That's a really positive comment. I plan to rent the flat out. That is my fall back plan if it all fell through. Will give it a few more months to see how things go.
Thanks for that feed back
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Trevaskiss » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:33 am

Don't do what I did. I was in a sort of opposite situation.

I was the one with the colourful past, but I really wanted to settle down (in my 40's) and I met my (now ex), gave up my flat, moved 200 miles away for him, and like your GF I was still quite flirty at first, but I soon learned not to do that - but it turned completely the opposite for me - he never let me out and every time we argued he kept bringing up my past all the time.

Now I'm on my Dads sofa, saving like mad so I can at least rent a room out.

So don't fully give up your own house yet.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:46 am

Sorry to hear that. Did you see a lot of similarities with my post and your own situation. I feel as long as I keep my independence then I have nothing to lose. Like I said the sex is great and we get on. The question is whether we can settle down and be respectful of each other ?

Thanks for your input. I hope you go on to find a new partner soon.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Trevaskiss » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:51 am

I saw a lot of similarities.

Trouble was, we never had our own independence. He didn't want to socialise with his friends, and he expected me to do the same - so we never had that respect. Even though I told him I would never dream of going with anyone behind his back as it was him and only him I wanted - it wasn't enough.

Fingers crossed it'll all work out for you both.

No new partner for a looooong time for me! I'm taking a year out lol
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:43 pm

I agree with you. Its not healthy being confined to couples only relationship. People naturally need outside stimulus to keep their sanity.
I'm sure you have done the right thing by leaving him.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Roughgems » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:20 am

So guys if your new partner told you that she had 5 partners and two of those were very very well endowed.
How would you have dealt with it, knowing that one of them was her first love and the other stays very local to her.....Ladies have you ever had a vvwe guy and started dating a new guy wishing he was as big as your other guy ?
Honest answers.
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Re: Niggling doubt about relationship. Your opinion or sugge

Postby Mrconfused74 » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:41 am

One of my ex's told me I wasn't the biggest she'd had, which kinda hurt, but if she's satisfied then I wouldn't worry too much about it. I don't understand the need to know about partners sexual history, what should matter is that they are happy with you, both emotionally an sexually.
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