Why do I do it??

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Why do I do it??

Postby Mrconfused74 » Wed Oct 12, 2016 10:30 am

I have a habit of getting the wrong impression whenever a woman pays any attention to me that is in my eyes unusual.
Briefly I befriended a woman and thought after a few weeks there was something more to it, but never made a move, as she was in a relationship, albeit an unhappy one. Then there are times I will email or message someone, but when they keep replying and going off subject I get into my head it's more. Then there is the occasional comment, in my business I see the same people quite a bit, on one occasion walking my dogs I passed a group of ladies and they stopped to see the dogs, one made a comment about the owner being ignored, and another who I see a bit and always smiles, said ' next time I'll give you a stroke' a joke? Highly likely, so why do I suspect more? Any help appreciated.
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Re: Why do I do it??

Postby David020549 » Sat Oct 15, 2016 7:18 am

Dogs especially puppies are a magnet to women you are going to get lots of smiles and comments, a dog is probably the best icebreaker you can get, if you dog walk at the same time of day to is easy to build up a rapport with others the majority of which will be women. If you get a "stroke the owner" comment you might reply with a neutral " I'll look forward to that" or a suggestive " l haven't been stroked by a lady for ages" and that would definitely show you were single and interested. You chat for a while, find out about them, many women will mention a partner, if they don't, assume they are single

If you are looking for a relationship apart from casual meetings there are dating clubs and online dating sites filled with women looking for a man, some need "looking after" because finances are tight, some lonely, some want a lover, some all three. In all cases you have to make the first move and move from chat to a date fairly quickly, delay and they will think you lack confidence.
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Re: Why do I do it??

Postby Nomad » Thu Oct 20, 2016 11:14 am

Hi Mr C. I think we all get confused - it would be lovely to know what someone else is thinking to make it easier. But the last guy to post makes some good points.

Firstly about moving quickly. If you like someone and they seem to want to talk more I think the only way (after a few meetings) is to bite the bullet and ask if they would like to get a coffee. If you sense a genuine connection this is not strange. It's scary, but if you are not open with the fact you want to hang out you will enter the 'friend zone'! Even if women are super friendly, or even make seemingly flirtatious remarks (less likely) then they don't necessarily want to do more than have a laugh, as you have frustratingly experienced. It's like online dating. If you chat with someone for too long, the moment is lost. You have to go for it! If you ask after chatting for several months they may already think it is a friend thing.

The worst that can happen is they make an excuse not to, and you know that this one is not up for grabs and can move on.

The last fella also mentioned the wonderful world of online dating. This totally gets around the issue of wondering if someone is single. You have a choice of people who are open for going for a drink.

It also sounds a little bit like you are interested in women because they are possibly interested in you rather than the other way around. It is natural to be flattered if someone seems to be interested, but being selective is important too! If you don't mind me saying, it seems like you may be lacking in some self confidence? It's an unfair world, but some women can sense this and know that (even if they are in a relationship, broken or otherwise) they can get attention from the lovely man that chats to them in the park (you) without any commitment to the situation and at the detriment of your feelings.

I think rather than focusing on how to understand signals from women, it is better to put energy into loving yourself and feeling happy with you whatever the social situation. Then the signals will be easier to read. :)
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Re: Why do I do it??

Postby Celebritydiscodave » Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:30 pm

You expect more than that which is available to be had because you need more than is available to be had. No matter how comfortable you feel with being you, whether you have a healthy love for yourself, or not, it is quite normal to need more than is made available to one. Most people are relatively antisocial anyway in the UK. You would likely be far more content socially over in the US. Just because society does not work perfectly well for you it need not follow that there is anything whatsoever a miss with you. Show me the proof that our society is a perfect structure. Society is such structured that it would wish to identify the failing with you, and virtually all of us are thus programmed so to do, The alternative direction does n`t figure for humans, the masses questioning themselves. This is however where social philosophy is at, and here one may explore ultimate truths. There is no indication, in the midst of this, that you are not in fact entirely happy with yourself.
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