Lost feelings

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Lost feelings

Postby rob_UK » Wed Nov 30, 2016 10:02 am

I’ve been resisting talking about this and reading a couple of forums on the subject.

I’ve been seeing/dating a girl for around four months and a couple of weeks ago she told me she has lost feelings for me.

We are both runners so know each other through the running club we’re both members off so this is how we met so we were friends originally.

Long story short we had been flirting with each other in July and this has lead onto some heavy moments over the month and build of sexual tension to the point where one night we started heavily kissing at a friends birthday party.

After this we started to get more into each other and pretty much enjoying each other’s company and getting more physical and seeing each more, going out for dinner etc. We went away to France for a short running trip with another Friend (girl) where she became a little distance so I asked her if I made her feel uncomfortable but she said no and we had some nice times in the pool etc.

When we came back, we walked back to her place where she was hesitant in kissing me and told me it wasn’t a good idea so I walked off in a huff but she called me back and asked me to come in and talk. She told me she is not very good in relationships and that her previous relationship hadn’t gone good. She has been single for three years so become pretty independent I guess.

I told her I would be fine to take things slowly and see how we go and she seemed happy. We had some good times together over the next couple of months but thinking back now I probably came on too strong at points and didn’t respect her space enough. I would ask if she fancied meeting up although I was open to her saying no if she wasn’t up to it but always said yes. It wasn’t all the time but we would see each other at the running club so I suppose it felt we were seeing each other more.

Four weeks ago I felt she wasn’t herself like she used to be and asked do you want to be friends, she said yes, which kind of shocked me. The following week I was texting her, which I shouldn’t had done really and then sent some flowers a few days later with a small message. Basically we tried again but a few weeks in things weren’t right and she told me she lost her feelings for me.

She told me she likes me more than a friend but still wants to retain her independence which I totally get and there are things which I should be doing but I think I got caught up in this whole thing and lost my way a little.

Last couple of weeks I’ve been trying to play it cool. I said to her I still want to be friends with her as we see each at the running club still so don’t want anything to weird.

I’m not sure when she got them but she bought tickets to take me to the theater to see book of Mormon on my birthday (this Friday) which she is still happy to take me and I’m happy to go.

We still text each other now and keeping the conversation light and having a laugh.

Does it sound silly to try and take things back to how we were originally where everything seemed relaxed and start again? I’m wondering if she still does like me. She's told me she does feel comfortable around me and likes to snuggle with me (her words)

I’m not deluded and realise I need to continue with my own life and I can’t change someone’s feeling. I know there are other girls too.

Basically I do really like her, she has great banter, we have a few things in common, comedy, running (she’s not into as much as me but loves the trails) outdoor kind of person.

Hopefully this makes sense, I’ve tried to keep it short.
rob_UK
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Re: Lost feelings

Postby Celebritydiscodave » Wed Nov 30, 2016 8:13 pm

I find this all quite confusing in terms of grasping any definite handle in any particular direction, much like any other average relationship at its mid point, I think? What`s actually required is her prospective off you, hard to realize by you, but even more so by me when it is only from your own personal prospective that I`m being given an account. The responses you have spoken of from her are center ground, they actually do n`t give much away of what may be her perception of this relationship My best guess, and it is only that, a guess, is that you are too full on. This of itself might not be a problem, perhaps not directly, but it also seems to me quite possible that your full on characterial trait is causing negative play back from a previous failed relationship? Do n`t go back there, but do pose this question with her. If your enthusiasm is overly physical/sexual, by her prospective, it may lessen, perhaps because she feels there is then less of you to go around, not enhance, her sense for your genuinely loving her. Genuine love of course does n`t even require there to be any physical activity whatsoever. Could be there is a heavily physical and highly superficial relationship in her makeup? We are largely only the sum total of past experience. This may tip her prospective for at least some of the time away from a normal/average experience when being faced with love which is normal, average, and healthy. Less intensity and only ever allow her to control the pace. In my opinion she is very fond of you, and just as much as she ever was, but I could easily be wrong. Could be she knows that what the two of you had before was right, but due to past happenings, can only actually experience it as not being. The safest thing for you now in my opinion is to assume this - She may not be able to self analyse. That`s normal!
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Re: Lost feelings

Postby David020549 » Thu Dec 01, 2016 8:51 am

Rob

She has been honest with you saying she has lost feelings for you, that is a big decision for her ruling out a relationship. Her past disappointments are still hurting and she is not confident enough to get serious with you, so back off and see her as just one of the guys at the running club rather than a special friend.
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Re: Lost feelings

Postby Celebritydiscodave » Fri Dec 02, 2016 9:43 am

Agreed, but what is meant by "special friend"/ Is that term to imply a "good" friend or a friend with extras? - What is being suggested to by way of a good friend. One example of what I consider to be a special friend might be a teenage/early twenty year old girl happy to do time and place friendship with a fifty/sixty year old guy. The friendship requires to be perhaps somehow special because virtually no other girls would be capable of this even if they wanted to be. Perhaps the decision to share a house together outside of an actual relationship might be considered another example of special friendship. I definitely do n`t consider loveless romance to be a form of special friendship, for how could one not love a special friend? Rob, she still says that she thinks of you as more than a friend. Should "more than a friend" be considered a special friend? - Dwell on what the two of you have now rather than what you think the two of you had before. It is very hard to be certain of the nature of a relationship at that precise moment when it is all happening.
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