Opposite sex friends?

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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Tarantula » Mon Jan 23, 2017 5:11 pm

Country Joe has it in one, and I think you should heed his advice.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Trevaskiss » Thu Jan 26, 2017 10:46 am

One of my best mates in the world and has been for over 20 years is the opposite gender to me!

Before I moved away, we used to spend lots of time together, occasionally going away for a weekend if there was something we fancied doing. Previous partners never ever had an issue with that as they knew exactly where we stood on this. I didn't fancy him or have any emotional feelings for him and vice versa.

The only time it did cause an issue was with my ex, but then he wanted absolutely everyone out of my life - not just him.

I have been really close friends with other guys, but as others have said, feelings and attraction can get in the way, so when they do I take a step back, but there are the very odd occasion when it can work out.

Just my little opinion - I'll go back to my corner now :D
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Tarantula » Thu Jan 26, 2017 3:59 pm

Trev how are you? PM me anytime!
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby SamMos76 » Fri Feb 10, 2017 10:04 pm

Tarantula I think your first response is probably on the money, although I'm not sure it'll get physical! But then again I've been wrong before. So update, we've been texting and chatting on the phone, a few sexual innuendos which I guess is something close friends do! I know girls I've worked with in the past have done it. But perhaps that's her way of testing the water. But she has also suggested meeting for a coffee! Now as of yet we haven't met, and there is the odd occasions when we may be in a meeting together but up till now it's been on the phone. And I'll admit yes she's attractive, but I'm not sure either of us Is likely to cheat on our partners, I mean as I said before I've had flirty banter with women at work and it's been just that, but this is different! Maybe it's because I'm feeling down, and she's clearly not happy, I guess we are entering into a EA but if it makes our life's more content is that bad? Yes I've thought her about her, and yes she does seem very happy to talk to me, but is very strict about texting outside of working hours! Saying it's not worth the hassle, although she has other male friends that he knows of??? I'm not really sure what I'm asking but I need something.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Tarantula » Fri Feb 10, 2017 11:20 pm

You need a clip round the ear is what you need, young man!

May I speak my mind?

Desist, now. We have ALL seen this movie. The Girl From Work (yawn). If being a cliché is the height of your ambitions then there's nothing I nor anyone else can say to prevent it.

It's like you want us to chime in with the 'oooh, does she? Doesn't she?' excitement that you're currently entertaining in your mind.

Cheating is easy (and don't try tell me for one minute that it's you making a conscious decision not to; all she has to do is lean over, hold one nostril with her finger and blow very hard on your shoulder and you'd be naked before we could say 'told you so...'). Try something more aspirational, like focusing on your marriage, or choosing to separate. Yes, it is bad. Because it's not just about you.

Listen to Country Joe. Think very carefully about the consequences of continuing down this path.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Country Joe » Sat Feb 11, 2017 10:53 am

You'll do what your going to do despite what ever anyone suggests to you! The sad thing about it all is, you can't see and don't want to see the consequences of your actions. Your enjoying the whole experience and fantasy of it all even sharing it here is giving you more and more to indulge in. Your response does not convey any regret or appreciation for what will come out of this 'friendship'. Lets hope for all of your sakes it stays in the fantasy mind stage and go's no further. Hopefully your just another part of her collection of male friends that help to sooth her ego.
Be interesting to see where your at in 12 months time.
Last edited by Country Joe on Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby SamMos76 » Sat Feb 11, 2017 11:53 pm

Sometimes what you need is to actually hear from someone else what will happen if you continue on a certain path. Do I enjoy the fantasy? Yes! Does it give me an escape from reality? Yes! Maybe that is what I need right now, I've tried everything I can think of to make things work, I don't go out, I don't drink a lot, I don't gamble, I'm not abusive, but still there is that little spark missing. I've tried suggesting things,but to no avail! So maybe this is a little spark that maybe we both need to get our marriages going! Maybe it will slow down, once the novelty has worn off, I don't know. If I did meet her, and there is a chance I will maybe we won't feel that connection and it'll just be awkward! Maybe it's wrong to say I'm just going to walk away from a marriage and kids but I can't do that. Is it wrong to stay together for the sake of the children? Maybe but many couples do.im not looking for justification to my actions I need to get it out my head, so I'm not continually thinking it over. I like fantasy, and I'm sure I'm not the first person to use it whilst being with their partner.
I've always craved that excitement and for some reason I always find a way to risk a relationship I just don't know why.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby David020549 » Sun Feb 12, 2017 8:24 am

Ok Sam you crave excitement, you have found a likely woman, she has got inside your head and are well on the way to starting an affair. I'm sure you will both enjoy your clandestine romps, at first you will get away with it and remain undiscovered which will lead you to more daring liaisons. It might last a few months or even a year or so and you will feel good, a real lothario, but both your partners will have become suspicious however careful you have been.
Excitement does come with risk, for you it is the risk of getting kicked out of your home, most wives react that way, you will be homeless, for your girlfriend has the additional risk of getting pregnant by you and all the long term complications that entails.
If you want excitement take up a dangerous sport like rock climbing or become a born again biker or even local politics (easily the most dangerous). Do not justify having an affair by saying it will " Improve your marriage" it will not.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Country Joe » Sun Feb 12, 2017 11:03 am

Sam I was in exactly the same place 8 years ago. After a 23 year marriage with 3 children things between me & my wife had become stale and mundane. She'd had a brief affair with someone early on in the relationship I buried my head in the sand for so long and never dealt with it. Concentrated on work and built a very sucessful business. On paper I had it all but that passion and excitement was missing and probably the love that we should have had was gone, having grown up in care the last thing I wanted was for my children to come from a broken home so I continued to sacrifice my happiness and needs for their sakes. Trouble is eventually it catches up with you, I met someone at work, our life paths were similar and yes as time went on we became friends and as time went on the thought of her made my life worth living again. We texted, flirted but never went beyond that but the texts always ended with Xxx. And on it went for 6 months until my wife went through my phone and found it all and naturally accused me of betraying her....cut a long story short I left her and began a relationship that lasted 6 weeks until she ended it by which time I was totally head over heels in love & bessoted with her. The next 2 years saw me lose my business, my home the respect of my children and eventually getting sectioned for 2 months and spending my days in the nuthouse. I made a slow recovery and work as a binman now and live a humble life with a little house and a dog for company but Im happy and more content than Ive ever been and consider myself lucky to still be here after being dragged out of the sea after attempting suicide. Your story rings so many bells with mine and I so wish someone could have warned me and guided me to do things differently. Don't give in to your desires speak to your wife and work it out one way or the other. Be careful what you wish for it's often not what you think it is.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby SamMos76 » Sun Feb 12, 2017 12:15 pm

Ok David, I'm not sure if your reply was a scare tactic, but I understand the context! As we haven't met yet, the most this can be is an emotional affair, not that, that's any better, and it's quite possible if we did meet, that one or both would get cold feet and it will end up been a coffee and a chat. We both have a lot to lose, and it's unlikely that she would even consider leaving her husband with her kids for me. So in that respect I realise all she is doing is looking for an escape from her humdrum life. For my part I've had opportunities to cheat in the past but haven't, like I said I'm a fantasist, that's were my excitement is. Of course something may happen, and we'll realise it's a bad mistake and that will be it, there are so many ways this could end.
Country Joe, firstly I think your wife had a cheek treating you like that after what she did, but that's onver with and I'm glad to see you have been able to sort yourself out. As I said to David the excitement for me is the chase, the secrets not the actual end game, I'm sure if I did sleep with her that would be it, a one time thing! But I'm not even sure she even wants to go that far, she like me may just want some excitement, even if we met for a coffee she may well see that as just another level that she can't or won't go beyond! I mean I've had friends that have been girls in the past that I've fancied but never done anything with, but we'd talk, go out all sorts! So in a way this is the same?? I don't know what will happen. I've talked to and continue to try and make things better with my wife, and we go through phases of things being ok then we don't talk for a bit. So all I do is get my feelings out on here, see what happens, and move on.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby David020549 » Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:12 pm

"Just the once" - Sam, stop and think, this is not some tart you pickup in a bar, she is a work colleague, you are going to see her next day. Forbidden fruits are addictive you will both want more, women don't go much for excitement for them commitment is more important, realize there is a 90% chance of an unhappy ending.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Tarantula » Sun Feb 12, 2017 10:35 pm

I realise you've tried to make things work with your wife.

Why don't you get divorced then?

There is no excuse for cheating. I imagine you don't understand the damage it causes until you've done it and find yourself in Joe's position.

You've got the good fortune of having someone who has truly been there to tell you - DON'T.

What more do you want? Jam on top? Come on man, see sense.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby SamMos76 » Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:15 pm

I have kids, and having come from a broken home I have no intention of doing that to them, regardless of whether I am happy or not. So that's why I stay. So it's not just my feelings I need to consider.
I do understand the consequences and even so it does t stop me from doing what I do, so far I've stopped short of cheating, and maybe that will continue maybe not.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby Tarantula » Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:19 pm

Sure, 'cause cheating on their mom is a great lesson to teach your kids. Surely it's better to separate on better terms than do that?

If you cheat and get found out (which you will), your kids will suffer. If you force yourself to stay in an unhappy relationship, your kids will suffer. If you separate in a mature way, with as little drama as possible, your kids will suffer in the short term but in the long term will be better off for it.

I guess the only way to prevent your relationship decisions from harming your kids at all would have been to only have them within the context of a committed, loyal and honest relationship in the first place. But, the responsibility for that not being the case is not only yours.
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Re: Opposite sex friends?

Postby SamMos76 » Wed Feb 15, 2017 9:09 am

Firstly I haven't cheated, regardless of whether you feel I intend too or not.
Secondly my kids are not suffering, we don't argue in front of them, we aren't off with each other, they are sbke to do all the things they want. If we were to separate their suffering wouldn't be short term. You don't know how it will affect them, not just the fact we are no longer a family, but also financially. So please don't tell me how my kids will feel! Also when we had them, things were great, commute honest and loyal! As you put it! So in that respect you are completely wrong, and perhaps even judging me based on your past or present issues. I have a lot of time for you Tarantula I've read a lot of your comments and found them to be helpful, but in this respect you are wrong.
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