Advice

[Ktwill]

Hi I am new to this so here goes, I have been I'm relationship for 9 years but is literally on the brink of finishing. I have and do lie alot in our relationship and its destroying our family. I don't want this to be the end we have two children together and want UA to stay as a family. I would like to hear from you if you have been in this situation from my part if you have made it through and if you have been the victim like my family so I can understand more from his point of view. I am going to and will do everything I have to whatever it takes to try and re build and work on what we have left and over time if he will let me regain his trust.

[Mrconfused74]

Personally it depends on why you lied? Trust can be a very hard thing to rebuild in a relationship, but it all depends on what level that trust was lost! Perhaps a bit more detail would help! Then perhaps we can give a more informed answer.

[Ktwill]

Hi thank you for the reply. The children, I lied a lot in a period where we separated for a couple of months but I carried on the lies for a year until enough was enough and I done a lie detector test. But since then the simplest of things where it would be easier to tell the truth I havent . I'm worried for my family because it is destroying them. It causes arguments which is obvious it would. I have been researching on line lots and various forums as I am going to do all I can to stop telling lies and fix things for all of us. I know that it will be tough but they are worth it. They are the best around and they deserve a mummy, partner who does the right thing.

[Country Joe]

The problem with lying is generally you tell another lie to cover up the last one. People lie because they are afraid of their partners reaction anger, disappointment etc. Some people lie to create a better impression of themselves or they lie for attention and sympathy or to impress others. Some people create a whole world of lies that they continue to live within.
Reading between the lines I would suggest that perhaps you had some form of a relationship with someone else during your separation and have kept this from your partner.
The question is how do you stop lying? The first thing to do is to literally tell the truth and get rid of the weight of all those lies! That's what lies do...they add emotional weight and guilt for you to carry around in your heart and mind!
Start by telling the truth here today. it will amaze you how better you will feel by finally unloading it all and talking it through with people who won't judge but can offer advice...which is what your asking for! Before advice can honestly be given one needs the truth!

[David020549]

The easy answer is stop telling lies and no doubt half truths, it is simply not acceptable in any close relationship and will cause a breakdown.
These days many businesses employ customer service agents to feed misinformation for their own gain, maybe you are employed a a service agent for a car dealership or a call centre where lying to customers is an essential requirement. I have experienced this many times, occasionally so thinly disguised they are immediately revealed, I guess it is so closely ingrained in their personality it is automatic.
Any relationship personal or business requires trust but you are not going to break the habit easily, so start by not compounding the lie, if caught out don't tell another to justify the first, your partner seems very tolerant and he will understand if you do make the effort to change.