Am I being unfair?

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Am I being unfair?

Postby Laura9 » Sun Apr 02, 2017 1:00 pm

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Myself (26F) and my boyfriend (28) have just had a fallout and I need to know whether I am being unreasonable and should therefore let it go? At Christmas, he told me that he would take me away for a long weekend for my birthday, which is next month. He bought a house last year which needs a bit doing to it, and since Christmas he has paid for new windows and new carpets throughout. There has been no other mention of us going away for my birthday, and I understood we would no longer be going due to all of his recent expenses. However, last night he informed me that he is going to Comic Con in London next month with a group of guys from work. He said it's going to cost him at least £250 by the time he's paid for entry, transport, a hotel etc. The reason I am cross is that it seems he has chosen to spend his money on that instead of going away with me, which he promised months ago! When I questionned him about it, he said we might still be able to go away but I will have to pay for myself as he isn't going to be able to afford it. Yet he can afford to go to Comic Con! To me, it seems as though it's not about what he can afford to do, but rather what he WANTS to afford to do. He really doesn't get my side of the argument, that it feels to me like he has chosen to go away with his friends over me. He just tells me I have a bad attitude towards money, and makes me feel like the bad person! Am I? Should I just let this go? I am supposed to be moving in with him in a couple of months, so I feel like this needs to be sorted before it leads to bigger issues...but at the same yime, I just can't get him to see my point of view!
Laura9
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:36 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Am I being unfair?

Postby Country Joe » Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:31 pm

Hello lets get to the point...he's choosing to ignore your side of the side of the story, he's chosen his friends over you, it's his attitude to money that is bad, he's the bad person not you, don't let this go! Don't move in with him unless everyone of the above issues can be resolved!
Furthermore your not being unfair it's him that's being unfair! He needs to grow up and stop acting like a babby-ass!
It's really down to what your prepared to compromise and put up with...it will never get better until he changes!
If he doesn't cut your losses and get out of this relationship!
Country Joe
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:59 pm
Gender: Male

Re: Am I being unfair?

Postby David020549 » Mon Apr 03, 2017 7:08 am

It is unreasonable to build up your hopes and then disappoint you, you have made your views known but he is still going with his mates, he is out of order. What to do now depends on how he treats you in general and what your expectations are of a relationship with him.

From your post he had bought a house and is improving it, so he has a good job or family money and looking to invest for the future, that makes him an attractive prospect as a partner. If you move in with him, it is his house and he can kick you out at any time, even if you have a couple of kids, so make sure you do love him and can get on day to day. Don't expect it to be easy there will be many occasions where your wishes and likes will be second to his.

It helps if you have simlilar family background, have similar interests and you have skills that are helpful to you both, if you give up at the first hurdle you never will find a partner. You have nothing to loose by moving in with him but don't burn your boats, if after a month or so its not working, leave, it is an emotional risk you are going to have to take.
David020549
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 341
Joined: Thu Dec 25, 2014 7:29 am
Gender: Male

Re: Am I being unfair?

Postby snail » Mon Apr 03, 2017 7:21 am

I think how you feel is perfectly reasonable. As you say, it's about what he wants to be able to afford, about priorities.

I can understand that he doesn't want to be left out of a fun thing that all the other guys at work will be going to, but he should at least be able to admit that rather than putting the blame on you.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4343
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Am I being unfair?

Postby Laura9 » Tue Apr 04, 2017 9:50 am

Thank you so much for all of your reassurance and advice :)
Laura9
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2017 12:36 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Am I being unfair?

Postby SHYGLASGOWGIRL1988 » Tue Jun 06, 2017 3:45 pm

You really are not being unfair. Yes he can go do what he likes with his friends but not if it means choosing them over you after promising you. We all need space to be with friends etc in relationships but "ignoring" your special birthday weekend for his friends is unreasonable. It will make you feel that you are coming 2nd, it probably isn't the case because boys are silly but you have to explain to him how it had made you feel.
SHYGLASGOWGIRL1988
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 61
Joined: Tue Jun 06, 2017 2:45 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Am I being unfair?

Postby highlandcow » Wed Jun 07, 2017 11:52 am

Agree with the others - you haven't been unreasonable at all! He promised you something, you looked forward to it, then he blithely changed the deal and has the brass neck to turn it around and make it your fault! My ex used to pull this sort of stuff all the time, and would eve refuse to commit to a plan with me "just in case something better came along" (his words!) To be honest, if he thinks you have a bad attitude to money (and it doesn't sound like that is true) then I would be very wary of moving in with him. Money is a huge stress point when people move in together and you don't want to move in with something like this hanging over you.
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

- Billy Connolly
User avatar
highlandcow
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1008
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 9:22 pm
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Gender: Female


Return to Girlfriends & Boyfriends - Husbands & Wives

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 3 guests