Partners sexual past is causing problems for our future

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Should i stay with her for kids sake and forget what she has done?

Are you serious? Dump her now!
She might change give her a bit of time to prove it.
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Partners sexual past is causing problems for our future

Postby dunnowhatishoulddo » Sat Oct 12, 2002 11:55 am

Well dunno where to start...

I have been seeing my girlfriend for 8 years. When i met her she told me she had 1 past lover who she slept with twice and didnt enjoy it. On only the third night of knowing her she took me to her bedroom and popped my cherry. She says she wanted to have sex with me to show she was serious about us. Anyway 8 years later and we have 3 kids aged 4, 2 and 9 months.


She recently told me she had actually slept with 4 men before me (aswell as everything but sex with dozens others) and the last one she had been seeing him for a year when she met me and continued with the relationship for another year while i was seeing her too! The thing is this guy was 6'3" well built up and downstairs with a nice car. He used to take her out for rides and have sex in everyway possible inside and out of the car aswell as park benches the lot. She said he was an awesome lover and better than me in all departments and admitted to faking sex with me the first 9 months!

Not that this was enough for her she told me from the age of 13 till she met me she hadnt gone 1 day without a sexual partner or two and sometimes 3 on the go at once. Also sleeping with a guy and his friend on occasions as a 3 some. Now this isnt a concern for me as it was before my time but it would have influenced my decision to go out with her if i had known her past.

Also in this first year of our relationship (while having sex with me and her other bit everyday) she managed to get stoned with my brother and have sex with him in my parents bed. To top the year off she slept with a guy on New Years Eve when out with her mate.

Now she says this is all she has done behind my back but i cant help but not believe her. I am now having doubts about who is the father of her children as it seems she just cant get enough sex and she dont care who it is with.

I cant stop thinking of her with these other men having awesome sex as she puts it. Im just an average guy with an average size penis and pretty average in bed. I cant understand why she would give up a hunky guy with big penis and flashy car to be with me like she says she did. I cant help but think she was seeing him for much longer than she says and as for her sleeping with my brother it makes me feel ill to think they did that in my parents bed.

I want to know if i should forgive her and carry on as normal for the kids sake or would it be selfish of me to leave her to get on with her little life of lies.

Any replies appreciated as im now on antidepressants, visiting a shrink once a week and almost suicidal. I cant tell some shrink to their face about this as i would break down probably its tearing me apart inside.
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Postby misatok11 » Sat Oct 12, 2002 7:10 pm

You need to tell her how you feel. Get her to stop talking about the past, it does nobody any favours and we all head forwards and not backwards so concentrate on the future. If she says she cant then at least you have somewhere to go from there. Give her time, she might not realise that this is a problem for you.
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Postby Gem » Mon Dec 16, 2002 3:12 pm

It is totally understandable how you feel, the thing is, if it's making you this unhappy, you need to get out of it for your kids sakes. This kind of atmosphere in a home can be worse than the two of you breaking up. I know its easier said than done and women are extreamly good at talking men round but, it has to stop. Don't ruin your life when there is something that can be done. You are such a brilliant person foe putting up with it all but nows the time when you have to do something for yourself and your kids who you obviously love a lot. It might be really tough at first but, you'll get through, never ever give up......and I'll keep coming back and checking to see if you have posted anymore messages....if you need to talk, take care
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Postby phil debbie » Sat Jan 18, 2003 11:14 pm

:o well she sounds a bit like my ex wife.

we went through something similar 5 years ago, we have two children.
we tried very hard to make things work for the sake of the kids but in the end, we were both kidding ourselves and decided to split.

divorced now, but have very regular access to the kids.

my advice is to cut your losses, once you start to slide then its a long way down, but you will survive and eventually get back on your feet and rebuild your life.
you cant just stay together for the sake of the kids.

i eventually met someone who i fell deeply in love with and i will never look back.

phil :wink: :o 8)
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Postby Aldo » Sun Jan 19, 2003 2:48 am

yes, I think you should consider seperating. But keep in touch especially for the kids! You have been treating them like your own, and they probably are! so why shoudl you treat them any differently now? Your girlfriend sounds as if she doesnt care about you, shes clearly boasting about her sex life, and sleeps with anyone regardless if you are in a relationship with children. You should talk to your psychiatrist, you may end up crying but thats nothing to be ashamed of! you will probably feel a lot better and get rid of some of the pressure. I think you have been extremely generous and understanding so far. Why should you waste any more of your own life with somone who clearly is not commited to you. What happens if she catched a disease? and pass it to you?

my advice, be strong, and possibly seperate. talk to her first though about how you feel.
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