sister probs for 11yrs!

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sister probs for 11yrs!

Postby jollymacadoo » Sun Jan 04, 2004 2:28 am

I really need some advice. 11yrs ago, my sister then aged 16 gave birth to baby, me then aged 20. To cut a long story short, it started when baby was few mths old she went out to shops and basically never came backuntil a few wks later.turned out she had been seeing some guy(not the father of baby).Anyway, this went on for months back for a week away for another two.In the meatime, myself my parents became quite close to baby and i decided to take baby to come and live with me for two reasons: to see what her reaction was and for continuity for baby. Turned out she wasn't bothered at all about baby, more interesed in guy she was chasing. I brought baby up to 7yrs old.Throughout these years, the pain she caused my family was unbelievable, lying, stealing, the list goes on....At 7, she decided that she wanted child back.started off just picking up from school and then within a year she had him full time with a lot of support from family. This guy is still on the scene despite the amount of times she supposingly split up with him. Although it was a loss to give child back, i was happy for child & mother although it breaks my heart week in week out to see the effect that all this stuff has on child. My sister and the guy absolutely despise me and I dread to think what child has to listen to but moreso all this is making child nervous, not sure what to say to who, wondering if has said something that shouldn;t have and I cant bear to see child in this position. They hate me all because all i want is for her to put child first and not the guy. I hate the position that she has put child in.I do not have any children of my own but I know that when i do, i would always put my kids first. why can't she do this and why is she bringing child up in such terrible circumstances. ie.takes childs items back to shops for money, leaves iin house alone if guy is in pub, phones cut off periodically, cannot clothe and feed properly, things change so often to suit her, phoning parents middle of night to come fetch child cos they are arguing etc etc.etc.etc.my parents seem to go into this non confrontational mode, its like they just don't want to think about it. she tells them that i've said terrible things to herm done terrible things to her when I haven't.my mum know this isn't the case but my dad backs her up all the way. (dad & sister very much alike) I know i am a stronger person than her and i've tried lots of different ways to try not think about it cos there is nothing i can do but in the end it prooves very difficult and gets me everytime. I just feel so sorry for child and I dont want child to think i don't care when i do, so very much but what can i do. They recently split up again.promised parents again. they were then caught in pub together, (this has happend so many times as well) and the poor child doesn't know if he is comin or goin.sorry for rambling on, any words/advice/anything appreciated.
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Postby sovs » Sun Jan 04, 2004 12:46 pm

Im sorry but your sister is the worst type of human being there is!!!!
In my opinion she is the dregs of society!!!!

Get the child back.
Go to court because being with the mother is anything but good. She will ruin this child and in my eyes is abusing him.
Get a solisitor and go for custody. You had the child for 7 years and the child was happy and contented, now the childs back with the mother and is a nervous wreck.
Tell the courts everything and get the child as far away from that woman as possible because she isnt even trying.
What sort of woman is she!!!!

You are the childs only hope for happiness, please do the right thing.

Im here if you want to talk
sovs :wink:
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Postby Enigma » Sun Jan 04, 2004 1:50 pm

If you do not feel happy with the environment a child is in then you could contact Social Services. If want us to get the details of your local branch then you can just ask.
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Postby saz » Sun Jan 04, 2004 7:53 pm

I felt so sad reading your post. I am sorry for what you have been through, and the child but you are a good person for caring so much. Before i was with my partner, his sister did a similar thing and left her children, didn't come back and they were in foster care for a few years. She has other kids now and doesn't look after them properly but there is nothing we can do anymore. Social services are aware and will take them if things get too bad, but for now they just monitor them.

I do think you need to get the authorities involved. Talk to your parents about the situation, but i can guess that they are scared she will cut off contact completely if they turn against her and report this. This is what does prevent people from taking action.

The child's school must be aware of problems and if you contact social services, the local child protection unit and ask for advice.

You dont say anything about the childs real father but maybe he should be informed of how bad things are. He would have rights over the child and might be able to help.

Dont blame yourself for any of this, but your parents might be blaming themselves because she is their daughter. Be there for them too. Unfortunately some people in this world care more about themselves and their selfish needs and wants than anything, including their children. It is sad that she doesn't see how much damage she is going to do to the child, and he will probably end up resenting her. He will know what you did for him when he is older and be grateful so dont worry.

Take care let us know how things go.
Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing
cos i'm in love with the inner being
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Thank You

Postby jollymacadoo » Sun Jan 04, 2004 11:59 pm

Thank you for all your kind words.
I have just returned from my parents where child is staying overnight.
Had a great night having fun. I need to make the most of seeing child when I do. I suppose it could be worse. I just feel sometimes its all my fault because I let child go!
Anyway I really appreciate the response.
Thank you!
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Postby jollymacadoo » Mon Jan 05, 2004 12:08 am

saz, Just to add, the childs father has only seen him once or twice when very little and it was only in the passing but in saying that, for all i know the father might have seen the child, you never get the truth. nobody ever talks of the father. In my family, there seems to be a thing about what the eye doesn't see the brain don't think about. i know that is stupid but thats the way they are and maybe thats my problem. I am such an upfront person, i like the truth and don;t like secrets and i'm not into playing happy families. I worry a lot. I feel sorry that my husband of only 2 1/2 months has had and does have this baggage that comes with me for a total of 4 years. I cry at lease once a week cos i worry for the future. sometimes i convince myself that its all my fault and yet i know that she'll be sitting with her feet up watching telly happy as larry! I'm rambling on again...........

Thanks again
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