The finished story from 'The Story Game'

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The finished story from 'The Story Game'

Postby smile » Wed Feb 11, 2004 5:38 pm

Thanks to all who contributed to the story game. Here is what everyone's combined effort produced.

Chapter 1

Once upon a difficult day, Jake, and his friend went to the homosexual nightclub with Harry. He was a green horse that really loved vodka and Redbull. It really made love with beautiful women that was actually starring Hugh Grant, who really likes cheese and chips. He thinks they touch his nipples at night, but they don’t. They gave him salmonella for a laugh instead. They laughed hysterically.
The next morning, he couldn’t find Julia Robert’s hairpiece, it must be love, love, love. They went to the shops for a bit and bought 12X Durex and had a good rogering with Mickey Mouse. And he squealed. Then he went to buy some healthy nutritious snacks. They tasted like chicken tikka masalla. Harry and Jake, they held hands, while walking through the dark woods of certain death, where they met a terrible looking Anne Widdecombe. She was wearing absolutely nothing except a towel, a blonde wig, and a housecoat. So Harry and Anne started to dance in the rain with Jake, whilst loudly singing “Mary Quite Contrary” to the tune of the television. Suddenly, they both morphed into cats!
“Meeeeow!” Jake cried.
“Prrrrr” Harry sighed. As he walked, a dog was watching, barking mad, running in circles…clearly not ok. It was Anne. The two cats laughed out loud, but the dog didn’t find things very funny at all. Now, it wasn’t naked Anne, who shouted first, it was Harry that growled instead at her wig. He had also lost his trousers while eating cheese on the plane to the moon. He had run out of coffee, and in Tescos while balancing the bumper loo rolls on his toe.
Harry felt naughty. It occurred to him that he should purchase a three wheeled car to woo ladies and men too! He started working inside the bonnet, trying to enhance the pulling powers of the car. But really, it was an inefficient 798 cc car so he decided to shoot and annoying little British Prime Minister, and a Russian, while singing the Russia national anthem.
An alien landed and said “Vladimir, let’s go home”. So (they) did. Out of nowhere, the shopkeeper appeared. He started to arouse the cat, (the) cat enjoyed it. The cat then went to lick his face, but licked his paws because they were very dirty. Later that evening, monkeys with guns shot the Pope in the bum, and he screamed and cursed uncontrollably. Then the cardinals summoned the ninjas and Samurai Bob, the master of paper folding. Then began their journey.

Chapter 2.
Anne the dog, was prepared for her revenge against the big homosexual religious sect called Gay Nation of Islam. Her main weapon was fundamentalist pap. Her second weapon, fear and surprise and a cunning plan.
“My lord” said the little alien (was also part of a gang of heavy metal fans, who listened to Charlotte Church secretly while she was on the toilet). Meanwhile, Harry and Harry’s friend Julie decided to get three hundred camels to circumcise and use for pleasure. But poor Julie didn’t know how to do it. So she decided to go into pediatric dentistry instead. However, she didn’t. She went for a neurology post at Napier University.
Meanwhile, back at their navel base, Jake was sniffing Harry’s smelly underwear, while sorting washing. His underpants were blown far away out the window and landed on Anne Widdecomb’s head. She screamed, while Harry called the police, but the police at a gay rights protest over bent bosses at waterloo train station. Eventually, a police car arrived with lots of gay squirrels running about eating their nuts, and squeakily singing, “I’m Your Man!”
Then the sex goddess, Anne Widdecomb, came down the stairs for revenge, into a room full of marmite covered men. “Put them up!” squealed the police.
Then Super Man, went into a look with Harry’s sex shop to buy a great big sex toy with distinguishing male features such as a whip attached. Jake’s special toy! Then he took his thing out and played with Winnie the Pooh, to the sound of the cheeky girls getting slaughtered with Jack Daniels and tea cakes. He was sick. Honey out of the biscuit tin and wiped it on his bum.

Chapter 3
Anne, Henry and Jake met up one fateful day, unaware that they were being watched by two sailors in drag and were aboard a ship, spying with binoculars at the Loch Ness Monster below. Meanwhile, on shore, there were three little pigs in the abattoir being (?)… Nessy decided to jump in to save the poor children starving in the water which had been poured through a filter in the side of a massive water wheel which was very old. Jake, then Harry, made the decision to push Anne into the water. Anne was not a good swimmer.
“Eh, eh, eh!” said Anne when she emerged from the sharks mouth which spat her out on to the bank and building society on earth’s north pole.
“Look!” cried Ned. “There’s a fish finger!” Then a big fish finger appeared in France’s parliament building, which was floating around the Yukon. The fish finger waved as it previously descended into the stock market.
Then the little fish finger made a racist comment about a really ugly looking bird’s eye man, that was jumping off a boat into the sea.
Meanwhile, Harry and the giant fish finger ended the chapter of the book.

Chapter 4

Meanwhile, back at a disco party, Harry and a busty transvestite called Juicy Lucy, sang “La Marseillaise” with Angus Deyton and Jack Dee, plus, Roger Moore said, “Bond, Jennie Bond”. So Juicy Lucy, like Anne Widdecombe, said a prayer, and wished they were in India, dancing in the Taj Mahal with Eminem (singing live, riding an elephant, wearing a pink tutu with matching curtains).
Then, a ballerina twirled in the red square, wearing nothing but a nice smile and a sparkling pair of pants, which had pictures of gay Eskimos.
Meanwhile, Eminem was throwing up Vodka, then drinking more until he finally died.

Chapter 5

Jake was walking along the street, when suddenly he saw a giant, from yonder hill. A jolly green field of celtic supporters singing Ibrox songs, then rightfully arrested by fashion police for being too aroused in field of corn, with bits of broccoli hanging from their hairy armpits. The fashion police then decided to spontaneously combust, setting fire to Brian May’s hair.
Then the Queen said, “Another one of those racist golly wogs from the fridge.” Then from nowhere, a nowhere appeared, wearing a small hamster.
The hamster then said “Ooo matron.”
The Barbara Windsor said “Ooo, saucy,” and hen tragically an acme anvil died without warning, after being hit by a heavy calculator world of numbers. Then a sudden freak storm rose from the garden, spilling the tea made by Anne over Tony Blair. He got mad, very mad, so he invaded the cake shop; par-tay!
The par-tay then got wilder because people got randy after eating some Viagra flavoured jellybeans. They had such a good time that Harry fell madly in love with Anne’s mother. So, he decided to move into a caravan with Graham Norton and Julian Clarey. Then they all got dressed up in clown outfits.
Jake got aroused, so he brought a pink thong, and stuck it on his head, to keep the hairs in place all around his ears and neck. Unfortunately, the pink thong was infested with rat’s semen that smelt like flowers in wind, with hint of aloe vera.
Then, out of nowhere – a flash. It was green and sexual big pointy stick and a bayonet. Then sirens starting blaring from yonder. Then bodie shouted “Hello Dave!”, so that was the end of the chapter.

Chapter 6

Harry and Doyle realised that they were professionals and were really klingons.
“Kahplah,” they said and then decided to phone cowley and engage in 1980 TV stuff about He-man and Castle of Greyskull. Then Doyle arrived and had a nice cup of tea which was cold but tasted like chocolate milkshake. Meanwhile Harry and Jake popped down to the supermarket. It was shut. Much to their amusement there was a monkey dancing around a tree, waving an umbrella up to the sky. Harry then vomited out the carrots he had made for dinner earlier that day. There was a good show at the theatre, it was called Frankie. It then started to rain and there was thunder and lightening. Harry is scared of getting wet so he hides in McDonalds while he is in (there) Doyle comes by with some spinach and offers it around to everyone like an old piece of cheese that smells like disgusting old boots with strawberry laces attached to it.
“Poo!” they said. So Doyle ate another potato from Bodie’s portion of potatoes. Then there was a strange burst of tears nearby from the wishing well. Then a little bomb arrived from your house. It was about to do a dance in a bright skydiving suit which had holes in and the bomb exploded killing Doyle. But he was cremated nicely with McDonalds French fries and a crouton and a milkshake. Then Bodie decided to go to the ice skating rink. He fell over on pink poo that was toxic waste waste from the log-flume at DisneyLand. He died painfully.

Chapter 7

Harry, Jake and Anne sit down on a park bench to talk about how they forgot to get some shoe polish and some laces and about what they did with Bodie and Doyle in that X rated blue movie they just made together which was being recorded by the BBC. Then there was Harry Potter on a broomstick and his wand who said "The end is near". He was right, the end was finally upon them.

The End!
When you reach for the stars, you may not quite get them, but you won't come up with a handful of mud either.

Just remember to keep smiling!
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Taken Root
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