I'm bi, he's got a girlfriend and is messing around with me.

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I'm bi, he's got a girlfriend and is messing around with me.

Postby Joe_19 » Tue Mar 09, 2004 6:57 pm

Well, I posted a problem a few days ago but I didn't get a huge responce cos I think I was too long winded. Well I said that i'm bi-sexual and last week me and my best mate actually did a few things together. He has had a girlfirend of over two years. Because we are in university he has only seen her 6 times since september. He goes on about how horny he gets and needs to see his girlfriend more.

Last week, we went back to my home town and got really drunk in town. We crashed at mine and we ended up in bed together doing everything you can do without full on sex. I couldn't believe it. He doesn't know that I'm bi and I just couldn't believe my luck when we were doing things. I asked him over and over again to make sure that he was sure as to what he was doing, and he was more than willing to carry on.

Since then, we have mentioned it once and in very little detail. He said he just wants a bit of time, cos he doesn't know what he is feeling. I can honstly appreciate he needs time to think about it, but I just don't know where I stand. At the end of the day, I know he is a great mate, which the most important thing, but Im just racking my brain cos there are so many awkward silences and things are not the same as they used to be. We used to be so close. I really don't know what to do, whether I should ask him what if he has had any thought or whether to leave it.

I would be grateful of any reply.
Thanks, Joe
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Postby Jo » Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:25 pm

Oops! This is why people who are friends usually avoid having sex together, regardless of what gender they are! The fact that you are both male must make it extra complicated. Its bound to be awkward for a while.

It sounds as though you are already fairly sure about your sexuality, maybe he isn't. Do you know if this was his first experience with another male? If so he could be feeling very confused at the moment which is bound to have an effect on what happens next. It could be the first time he's ever confronted the fact that he feels this way. Maybe he's been keeping it surpressed or maybe its come out of the blue for him.

Maybe it would be best to let him have the time he has asked for and just sit tight until he's had chance to decide how he feels about what happened - remember that he is also in a long term relationship - so he must have strong feelings for his girlfriend. He has a lot to think about at the moment.
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Postby LoVe BuG » Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:27 pm

Hi I think maybe yes you have ruined your friendship just a little but don't worry it can get back to normal I think you need to give him the space that he's asked for and after about a week or 2 ask him where you stand and talk to him about it hope this little bit of info helps.

Love Trudi
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Postby sophs » Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:27 pm

Hi Joe_19

It's a difficult situation but I think you'll have to accept that you might not know where you stand for a while. I think you should have a chat with the intention of "clearing the air", explain that you know it's a bit akward, but that it would be a real shame to spoil a good friendship. He must be feeling confused and this way he gets the space to work things out for himself.

It sounds like you're really taken with him but I think it's dangerous to think about him too much when it's clear that he's confused as you might end up feeling very let down. If you're in your first year of uni then you are likely to be meeting new people all the time, and probably people who are less confused and who don't have long term boy/girlfriends! Make sure you focus on other friendships / possible relationships and then just bide your time with this guy, being good mates, until things for him aren't quite so complicated.

Does this help?

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