3 of us

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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3 of us

Postby MobileMan » Tue Mar 25, 2003 10:44 pm

A friend of mine told me that she had temporarily split up with her long-term boyfriend (now fiancee) and I was the only one that knew. I talked to her and assured her that any time she wanted to talk, I would be there for her. A week later, she told me that the reason she had split up with him was because she was in love with me. She said that she wants us to get together. If not, then she will stay with her boyfriend but I think that that isn't what she wants - she thinkgs that staying with him is the 'right' thing to do. She says that she can't concentrate properly since she told me. I told her that she should sort her relationship out first and only then can we contemplate getting together, although I think that she needs to have a rest period to reflect. I've definitely got feelings for her. Have I done the right thing or should I have got more involved cos she's only going to leave him for me? HELP!!!!
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Postby Jo » Tue Mar 25, 2003 11:02 pm

OK, Yikes! This sounds like it could get really messy!

If I were you I would stay well clear until she sorts her head out, on her own, without any influence from outside. Don't let her use you as a get out clause from her existing relationship!

I'm not saying she is using you on purpose, she might be doing it without realising it and she might have strong feelings for you, but I can't see how her leaving her fiance for you is a good start to a relationship.

If she doesn't want to be with him then she should make the decision and leave him on her own. She needs to accept responsibility for her own life and her own decisions.

If she is planning on staying with him if you say no to being with her, then she is obviously more worried about being on her own than anything else. She is saying this in order to push you into a corner - she is basically saying choose me now or lose me forever.

She is asking you to make the decision for her, which isn't fair on you and is actually quite manipulative. Do you really want to be with someone like that? Get out while you still can and don't be taken in by the little girl lost routine!
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Postby MobileMan » Wed Mar 26, 2003 7:51 pm

Thanks for that. We've decided that we're going to remain good friends for the minute. She hasn't sorted her head out with her b/f yet but she's going to over the next couple fo days. If they split up, I haven't promised her anything, as I don't know whether anything will happen! But in the back of my mind is tht inkling feeling of whether I really want to lose her. Obviously, if she chooses to stay, there's nothing I can do.
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