baby brother a still born cant help but feel guilty!

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baby brother a still born cant help but feel guilty!

Postby LoVe BuG » Sun Feb 15, 2004 10:36 pm

This is going to sound really sad but on tuesday my mum had a still born and since i felt so guilty because all the nine months she was pregnant i was always saying to my friends i hope it isnt a girl i dont want to share a room, when i found out it wasnt i was complaining about how i wont be able to study or how i wont be able to sleep because of it crying.

I feel really bad about thinking like that and now its gone when im alone i cry but when im out i just hold back and act like ntohings wrong and my mates sit there crying about ti and i just try and laugh. When i look at my mum trying to act normal it really upsets me because tis not normal its like the bellys gone but theres no baby at home waking me up at night.

My mums b/fs ex wife wont leave her alone when she found out she was pregnant she came and started shouting at my mum and now my mums lost the baby his ex came here at 8 this morning and woke everyone up and started shouting at my mum saying shes been prank calling her whne my mums jus been sorting the baby stuff out.

sorry if this is long

Love Trudi xxx
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Postby daveshow » Sun Feb 15, 2004 10:46 pm

try not to feel guilty it not your fault this happened it could be just your way of dealing with the shock of this i myself have had the same thing happen to me and i know its not easy but time is a great healer.As for this ex i would try and ignore her and perhaps get some sort of injuntion against her because this is the least your mum needs right now.

hope to have helped-dave
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Postby depman » Mon Feb 16, 2004 1:48 am

Hi Trudi sorry about what happened

Dont feel guilty about what you first said it is perfectly normal to feel like that as the changes that should have happened in your life

My wife lost our baby through a miscarriage on our first attempt and it ripped right through us (We are ok now)
It is a very emotional thing

I feel for your mum to carry her child for 9 months and to be still born
God knows how she feels
She doesnt need no added pressure
Just be there for you mum
Take care
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Postby saz » Mon Feb 16, 2004 6:15 am

It must be very difficult for your mum and partner at the moment and the last thing she needs is the ex hassling her hasn't the woman any compassion? Your mum will need all of you supporting her right now but you need support too. Talk to your mum or your friends about how you are feeling. It is natural and healthy to grieve but not to bottle it up inside. Dont feel bad for crying in front of your mum it is natural and to be expected.

What happened was not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty for what you said.

I hope that you and your family are ok. Take care
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Postby markh » Mon Feb 16, 2004 8:54 pm

Dear Trudi

My heart goes out to you and your family just now. It must be awful for you all. However I totally agree with all the advice that has been given. You shouldn't feel guilty about this at all, it's not your fault. I know you have had bad thoughts but who doesn't.? Just tell your mum about how you are feeling and be there for her, support her 100% of the way.
Take care and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Postby charlie2003 » Tue Mar 02, 2004 6:04 pm


I'ts not your fault your mum lost her baby, theres many reasons for it and I know its really sad to lose a baby. I lost one myself through miscarrage, and blamed myself for it. but its just the way sometimes. I know its bad to lose a brother or sister. my brother died in a car crash last year. I know its not the same as losing a baby brother or sister co's you didn't get to know them but in a way you do. you knew what it would be like in 9 months to see the little one there. Just talk to your mum about your feelings I'm sure she could do with your love and surport as she is going through a very emotional time too. you could both help each other through this.

take care you'll be fine x
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its not your fault

Postby just_me » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:07 am

i didnt find out i was pregnant until the night of my miscarriage. i was 4 months pregnant and i'd been having periods and i thought it was not possible i was pregnant. i drank heavily, smoked 20 cigarettes a day, and if i had known i wouldnt have drank or smoked.

the baby died inside me and the symptoms i had were bleeding and really bad pains so i was taken to hospital an i needed an operation to have the baby removed. after i got home i bawled my eyes out for about 2 weeks. i believed that the death of my baby was my fault and no matter how much everyone tried to convince me that it wasnt my fault as i didnt know about it it made no difference. i still knew that i killed my baby. while i was pregnant, i was always telling my friends i would have an abortion if i ever got pregnant, and saying that my life of partying, drinking and smoking was far too important

i know this is not the same situation that you are in, but if you had known you would have acted differently, as would i. Nobody blames you for saying that you didnt want a baby brother or sister, sibling rivalry is part of growing up and your mum understands this.

you need to grieve for the baby but dont feel guilty because you havent done anything wrong, just give it time and you will get better.

chin up hunny

just me xox
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Postby arwen » Mon Feb 14, 2005 12:01 pm

Oh you poor thing. Guilt is very natural reaction in times like this, but it isn't your fault IN ANY WAY. You have done nothing wrong sweetheart, nothing at all. What happened to the baby was not a result of anything you or your mum did or didn't do. Sadly these things sometimes happen.

You and your mum, and your mum's partner, all need to grieve and cry, so be there for one another and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings together. If you don't feel comfortable with that, talk to your friends. It sounds like they are genuinely upset for you and they will understand.

Your mum's partner's ex is a witch. If she is affecting your mum's mental state consider getting advice from a teacher or family member you trust about what can be done to keep her away.

Give your mum a huge cuddle and have a cry together if you need to.. there's nothing like a good cry, it's nature's way of relieving tension.

I hope you start to feel better soon hun xxx
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