Should I leave him? I feel like scum...

For problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives, lovers and leavers!
Forum rules
Post Reply
Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed May 21, 2003 7:16 am

Should I leave him? I feel like scum...

Post by Kali » Wed May 21, 2003 7:39 am

Hello there

I would really appreciate some input... this is the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life so far.

I have been with my boyfriend for two years now. Up until maybe 6 months ago I honestly fully thought that we were soulmates, that I would be with him for the rest of my life and we'd do the baby thing etc.

For the last 6 months, this feeling has been gradually wearing off for me and now there doesn't seem to be any of that sort of love left.

I enjoy his company, I like him as a person and I am very fond of him but I don't think I love him anymore. The spark or whatever it is that made me want to spend the rest of my life with him is gone. I don't know how or why, it's just diminished. I am very avoidant of sex at the moment bceause I just don't feel anything anymore. My mind wanders off inbetween bouts of thinking "is he done yet" and sometimes when he kisses me or when he is on top of me sometimes it really grosses me out.

I know that sounds really horrible but I can't help it. He hasn't changed much since we started going out and neither have I but now I just don't feel the same way anymore and I hate myself for thinking this way.

I don't want to hurt him... if it was any other guy I' guess I'd just explain the situation and leave gracefully.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend is still in the "Will you marry me mode" (a question to which I have previously replied yes to although we are not actually engaged). What's more of a problem he says he couldn't live without me.

He has had a lot of trouble with relationships in the past, his last one being the worst where she left him because she wasn't ready for commitment yet. They were engaged at the time - he went into depression and almost killed himself.

Therein lies my problem. I am so fond of him it can't be me to do that to him next. I don't want to hurt him that way and I am really scared that he would kill himself because I know how much he loves me.

If I stayed with him I know I'd be well looked after and loved for the rest of my life. But I'd never be fulfilled.

Or do I leave him and hurt someone who loves me beyond words and feel like scum for the rest of my life?

I really don't want to hurt him but I don't know if I can sacrifice my happiness and fulfilment for the rest of my life. I don't even know if that would be fair on him, to stay with him and pretend everything is dandy.

Please can I have some help??

Kali xxx

Just Landed
Just Landed
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Apr 29, 2003 4:32 pm

Time is ending

Post by Mikey_N19 » Wed May 21, 2003 11:39 am

think by the sound of this is that you want to have fun and u want to be more independant so u sound maybe have time to cool off like say to him that we need a break for a week or so and then come back after that then decide whether u have feelings for him!

love mikey xx

User avatar
Cat Queen
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
Posts: 135
Joined: Tue May 06, 2003 10:27 pm
Location: Dundee,Scotland

Same kind of problem

Post by Cat Queen » Wed May 21, 2003 8:08 pm

Hi I was feeling the same way when I was with my ex! The love had faded, I realised I didn`t know what I wanted out of life, but I knew I didn`t love him anymore.Sex was like a hated chore,I cried during, not letting him know.He asked me to marry him , AND he said he couldn`t live without me etc! He threatened during arguments that if I left him, he`d kill himself.One day I just had enough, after two wasted years I left him. I always wondered had he hurt himself etc, but he never did. :roll: I Don`t regret leaving him, cause after two years of having fun being single, I met the love of my life :D All im saying is, you only have one life hun, do what YOU want, not live your life for other people!
"Life is like a box of chocolates",
can never get enough and get fat on them!!!
Love Lou XXXX

User avatar
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
Posts: 434
Joined: Mon May 19, 2003 7:34 pm
Location: 161


Post by Jupiter » Wed May 21, 2003 11:35 pm

ok its jupiter, if you've read before u know that i dont just go with the flo. i think that you need to talk to him about this. they may be something thatcan save the relationship, pple go through badpatches. i know. but you may be able to get through it, you still like him but the spark has gone? just talk you have nothing to lose by talking, no drastic action, dont say you're unhappy just speak to him! he may not be aware and be able to do something to help this out. dont throw it all away just yet,

Talk to him and give him a chance to listen before you make any decision. bad patches happen, it always happens after a while. to many people just give up. dont give up yet.

Love Jupiter

Post Reply