fancing my best mate ruining everything

Maybe you have fallen out with your mate, or perhaps you are about to betray them - whatever it is, talk about it here.
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fancing my best mate ruining everything

Post by RavinDave » Sat May 28, 2005 6:11 pm

Well this whole thing started when I started Uni back in september, everything was going well for the first couple of weeks and then one day this girl came into 1 of my lectures late, instantly I really liked her. I didn't think too much of it but as the weeks went on I kept seeing her around campus and in my lectures. I wanted to speak to her but being as the campus Im on is about 10 lads to every girl (damn computing courses :P ) I didn't want it to appear as though I was trying it on with her. Anyway I just ignored my feelings and carried on having a good time @ uni.

I left for xmas and not seeing her for so long helped, I went back after 3 weeks and I wasn't as bothered anymore so I just got on with having a good time and meeting more people. 1 of my mates then started talking to her and with my other close mates knowing that I used to fancy her it got a bit awkward because he wanted to invite her on a night out with us but he wanted me to approve of it. Not being too bothered about her at that time I just got on with the night, I didn't really see her much because she kept wondering off to talk 2 other people so that was ok.

My mate kept asking me if I still fancied her and I kept saying I didn't, I was confused at the time and I think meeting her for the first time started to bring it all back. He started inviting her out with us more often and I started talking to her more, the more I spoke 2 her the more I began to like her. At first I thought she fancied me as well cos she flirts a lot without her really knowing it but after a while I was pretty sure she didn't while still really hoping she did. By this time our timetable had changed and we were in all the same lectures and tutorials which meant I was with her for 16 hours a week in lessons but she started coming around to my flat in between lectures and we would hang out most nights. She even started talking to me about a guy she fancied at uni but when I asked her who it was she went all shy and told me I didn't really know him (me being nieve thought she was talking about me, it turned out it was some guy I vaguely knew)

By this time I was starting to get hissed off with her for no reason when she went out and started talking to other guys and when she would log onto MSN and not message me first like she normally did or she would phone one of my mates about something and not me, sit next to other people when we went out and stupid little things like that. I started getting paranoid that she didn't like me but at first I kept it well hidden because Id only known her a couple of months and I didn't want to look like an complete idiot.

1 night about 15 of us went on a big night out. I was ok at the start of the night but as I started drinking more I began to get more and more hissed off, she started dancing with my mates and then for the first ever I flipped and went off on 1 smashing bottles and starting fights with random people. I'd never done anything like this before and if it wasn't for a couple of mates who saw me and stopped me then I don't know where I would of ended up. I went home really hissed off but after a while she came back to my flat with some of my other mates being really loud and noisy. Not being in the right frame of mind I opened my door to see her lying there wrestling with my mate on the floor. I started shouting @ her to get out of my flat and saying I didn't wanna see her. She was arguing back but luckily my flatmate pushed her out of my flat.

The next day knowing I'd been an idiot the night before I wanted to speak to her to say sorry and to tell her that I did fancy her. I said sorry but I bottled it when came to telling her anything else.

I didn't really speak 2 her for a couple of days except when she came out with us again so this time I decided not to drink this time. Luckily that night I met another girl who I didn't really fancy at the time but I started going out with her anyway. I thought if I go out with someone else I would get over her. That worked really well for the month I was going out with this other girl. I only saw her as a mate and we got on really well. I thought she started being nicer to me but I think that was either just because I wasn't paranoid about her liking me anymore or because I felt more comfortable with her.

As soon as I split up from my girlfriend my feelings for my mate started coming back again. 1 night we had gone out, I got hissed off with her again and told her to keep away from me. She started crying and ran off and me being drunk chased after her and told her that I really fancied her. I was pretty sure before that, that she didn't fancy me but when she told me she didn't, just she thought of me as a really good mate that hissed me off even more.

Ever since that night I have tried telling her that I don't think we should be mates anymore because when we go together I just get angry and ruin the night for everyone, she won't accept that though and she still wants to be mates with me but Im paranoid thats just because all her mates are also my mates and since Ive known them longer she feels they would chose me over her. We have tried talking about it many times, usually when we are drunk because we both find it hard to talk about sober, she keeps telling me she considers me 1 of her best mates but I have a hard time accepting her just as a mate, especially when we go out drinking and seeing her with other men. I have tried not going out with her but she likes clubbing like myself and because we share most of the same friends she doesn't have anyone she can go out with. I usually arrange our nights out so nobody else ever invites her which puts me in an awkward situation because the one time I didn't invite her out she went missing for 3 hours in the middle of the night and came back in tears which made me feel really bad,

The other problem that I have is everytime we go out I become really aggressive and start fights with people, even all my friends of which I am now starting to drive away. We went out last weekend on our big night out before we went home for the summer and again I started being really really horrible 2 her for no reason, insulting her and telling all my other mates to keep away from her. Last weekend I caused her to have 2 panic attacks and in the past she has thrown pint glasses at walls and done other stupid things because of what Ive said to her. I feel really really bad about it now and I think the only reason I start insulting her is to get some attention because she doesn't give me any during the night.

I know its gotta stop because I really care about her and shes such a nice girl, especially with putting up with what she has done from me recently and still considering me a mate when most other people would of given up and hated me which I wouldn't blame them for. She has even started changing her behaviour when she goes out just to try and not lemonade me off. When we are alone I am fine with her and we get on really well, I just seem to ruin everything whenever I see her talking to other blokes, even my mates.

If you have read all this then thanks for sticking with it :P My main reason for posting it was to get it off my chest and just to ask some advice on what you think I should do? Any feedback would be appreciated because I really want to be friends with this girl but I feel as though I can't be myself with her knowing that I fancy her and I know she isn't being her true self with me.

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Post by madcow » Sun May 29, 2005 9:24 am

Well. i really think if she doesnt like you your just going to have to get over it. I dont think its really fair on either of you if you stay as close for the next couple of weeks while you move on a bit, because your nto going to get over her with her there all the time are you?
Be crazy for love and crazy for meeeeeeeee

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Post by Liquidius » Sun May 29, 2005 9:37 am

As with all relationships, friends can happen, but I think you really need to give eachother a bit of space first. That way you can try and get over your feelings toward her, and she can try to forget your angry moods.

I'm sure it'll be fine with a bit of time.

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