My mate is gay

For any problems related to sexuality, coming out & gay relationships.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

My mate is gay

Postby troubledlad » Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:53 pm

Hi
You may know me from another problem i have but heres another one.
One day i was out wi a grop of 10 or 12 of my m8s some guys some girls. We were all havin a laugh then ma best m8 out of the group pulled me by the HAND and ook me behind a building. He went to snog me so i pushed him away asking what he was doing. He told me he was gay and that he was mad about me. I didnt know what to say. Eventually i told him that i would have to think about my feelings because i am going out wuth one of the girls in our group. He keps watching me and i am getting anxious. If i say no to him i could hurt his feelings and i could lose a really good mate. What do i do?
:-?
troubledlad
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:44 pm

Postby LICKLELEA » Sun Oct 09, 2005 5:59 pm

Ok, well the thing to do is to let him down gently. You need to make it clear to him that you are NOT gay but are really flattered. Tell him that you really value him as a friend and that a friend is all he ever could be to you.

Don't treat him differently and you must understand that it took a lot of guts for him to tell you this.
User avatar
LICKLELEA
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 512
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:11 am
Location: South West, England

Postby NatashaS » Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:22 pm

Your mate must be in a really difficult situation having just come out. He's probably oversensitive, so you need to be careful about what you tell him.

First of all, keep his sexuality a secret until he's ready to come out. Trust is important here.
Secondly, as LICKLELEA said, you have to let him down gently, let him know you're flattered, but also tell him that you're straight, and, well...that's the main issue here, lol.

There's not much more you can say to a gay mate who fancies you. Just make sure he knows that you're there for him if he needs to talk, but that you are committed to another girl also.
NatashaS
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 9:57 am

Postby misskrystal » Mon Oct 17, 2005 10:05 pm

I agree with the other posters about letting him down gently. He's probably completely confused and needs you support.

If he continues to make advances, though, you might need to be a bit firmer with him. Don't let his current situation cloud your judgement, he must respect your sexuality and your privacy.

I've had friends who were a bit too pushy in this type of situation and I found that, unfortunately, kindness doesn't always work.

Hopefully he'll get the message before that.
Image
User avatar
misskrystal
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 365
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:24 pm
Location: Leeds UK

Postby troubledlad » Sun Oct 23, 2005 7:04 pm

Hey
I have let him know that nothing can happen between us. He seemed o be ok wih the fact. Me and my girlfriend split up this week and now that seems to have got his hopes again he keeps looking at e and sending me notes saying "Remember I AM Always Free To Be With You". I still don;t want to be with him but now my ex is going out with this guy i hate and i keeps starting to think of my mate as more than a friend but i dont want to be with him(i think). What if i am the one in the wrong and am also gay? What if hes the one i am meant to be with? or Am i straight and just imagining these feelings for him because of my ex's new boyfriend?
WHAT CAN I DO #-o
troubledlad
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:44 pm

Postby mattsglobe » Mon Oct 24, 2005 1:43 pm

yeh all these guys are right make it gentle but also make it assurtive. don't be foolish and say that its because your with someone else make it clear your not gay.
nobody's perfect
so lets all be a nobody
User avatar
mattsglobe
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2005 7:42 pm

Postby troubledlad » Wed Nov 09, 2005 9:06 pm

Right heres what has been happening lately. Ever since me and my girlfriend split up i have been starting to have stronger feelings for my gay mate. Is it because i split up wi my girlfiend or could he be the one. And before any of you say something like they are just feelings they will go away. IT IS MORE THAN FEELINGS. I keep imagining myself with my arms round him kissing him infront of everyone in school. I daydream and doodle thing in class about him. I EVEN DREAM ABOUT HIM AT NIGHT. This is getting very weird is he the one for me or not.!!!!!!!!!!!!
:-?
troubledlad
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:44 pm

Postby funk3 » Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:45 am

To be honest I think because you have split up with your girl you are looking for someone to fill that void and because your friend is giving you loads of attention you are starting to think of him as a replacement. You don't mention other guys you fancy and the fact that you didn't entertain the idea of being gay at the start of your posts tends to indictate that it is just the affection you are after rather than anything else.
funk3
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 19
Joined: Tue Nov 08, 2005 5:45 pm

Postby LICKLELEA » Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:26 pm

Yeah i agree with Funk3, it's because you want some attention/affection from someone and its all coming from him.

Give yourself some time and don't rush in to things.

Maybe you should think about yourself and if you have ever thought about men the same way you think about your mate? I do think that if you were to kiss him however, you'll know if you are gay or not but that is unfair on your friend as it would just be using him and he may get the wrong idea.

Good Luck but make sure you have a proper think about all of the consequences of having this relationship? If you realise that you aren't gay then you could loose a good friend.
User avatar
LICKLELEA
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 512
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:11 am
Location: South West, England

Postby troubledlad » Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:58 pm

Thats the problem I have never thought of men in the way i think of him. I also dont think its for attention. I do agree with the fact i may not be gay and would hurt him and lose a good friend if i started a relationship with him. If anyone has read the problem me and my teacher i am the same guy so i have a child on the way so that means i must have been straight to have sex with my teacher. RIGHT :-? Man im one problemed guy eh
troubledlad
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:44 pm

Postby LICKLELEA » Fri Nov 11, 2005 10:23 pm

Just because you had sex with a female does not mean that you are straight - have ever thought that you were bi-sexual or possibly bi-curious. Give yourself time and you will know one way or another I assure you but don't get involved with your friend until you are completely sure how you feel.

Now from what everyone said about your 'teacher problem' last time and the advice that I gave you on that already I will not comment on it, but in the sightest chance if it is true you know what you have to do.
User avatar
LICKLELEA
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 512
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:11 am
Location: South West, England

Postby troubledlad » Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:09 pm

Me and my mates all went out again a couple of nights ago including the gay one not including my ex. My mate took me back to where he first told me he was gay again and went into to kiss me again. This time i let him do it just to see how it would feel. .......................... i actually felt it was really good like i had been missing out on something my whole life. THis could still be because its what i think i want right? Or should i telll him i want to go for it
troubledlad
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Sep 26, 2005 7:44 pm

Postby *Ellis* » Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:35 pm

you've got quite a bit going on havn't you hun? Your teacher's havin your baby and you're not sure of your sexuality! Hope everything turns out okay for you.
User avatar
*Ellis*
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 74
Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:12 am

Postby LICKLELEA » Thu Nov 24, 2005 11:54 am

Best advice I could give you is to follow your heart but also consider the consequences of your actions.
User avatar
LICKLELEA
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 512
Joined: Mon Jul 18, 2005 11:11 am
Location: South West, England

Postby HamburgerHelper » Tue Nov 29, 2005 2:05 pm

HaHa, What a load of old rubbish! =D> Once again, this is a total WIND-UP! Troubled Lad, you have an over-active imagination, that's your TROUBLE! [-X Save this forum for those people who really need help. No more replies, please, to this time-waster! Troubled Lad, get yourself a life! #-o
HamburgerHelper
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 81
Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 2:52 pm

Next

Return to Sexuality

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron