I never said I didn't like her!

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I never said I didn't like her!

Postby Still_in_Chains » Sun Dec 04, 2005 9:18 pm

My youngest brother is bouncing because he feels our middle brother's girlfriend who's recent moved in with our middle brother, caused his lodger to move out. I cannot elaborate here because I don't know the full story. I was hearing this 2nd hand from my mother.

I've met my middle brother's girlfriend a few times and she seems pleasant enough. She's friendly and relaxed around us which is nice.

My youngest brother has problems with her though. He's a very private person and he feels that she's encroaching on private family issues. When we spoke a few weeks ago he asked me what I thought of her, I said I didn't know her very well and she seems a nice enough girl. He said she butts in on his and our middle brother's conversation and is quite loose with her mouth. She's not malicious with her words but I suspect it's because she wants to feel involved and doesn't realise that a person would like to share their own news/speak in their own time and don't need her talking for them. Anyway, I was just sympathising with my youngest brother. Not once during our conversation did I say that I didn't like her. I don't know her well enough to have such a strong opinion.

Fast forward to Friday, Mum was telling me about youngest brother being upset that middle brother's lodger had moved out due to middle brother's girlfriend. She said, "Even [youngest brother's name] says you don't like her." I'm like, "What?" I never said I didn't like her!

Now Mum and I have had conversations about how happy middle brother is now and how pleasant his girlfriend is so, I don't think it came from her.

I suspect my youngest brother concluded that I didn't like her after our conversation and later reiterated this to our Mum. I'd have thought at this point Mum would have said that wasn't right given our conversations but I don't think she did. So, when she told me about this latest development, she stuttered and tried to backtrack when she saw my reaction.

I'm concerned that my alleged dislike for my middle brother's girlfriend will find its way back to her and middle brother and it will change how we interact with each other.

Which person, if any, should I be speaking with about this? Youngest brother for saying it in the first place or middle brother and/or girlfriend to say none of it is true?

Thanks for your input.
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Postby Hailie » Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:31 pm

i think you need to talk to your youngest brother and explain that you don't dislike your middle brothers girlfriend before it get's back to her

is it possible that your youngest brother just want's some one else to hate this girl with him so that he's not alone, because i no when i hate some one i always feel safer if some one hate's them with me.

Good luck and i hope you sort every thing out
xxx
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Postby all_apologies » Sun Dec 04, 2005 10:37 pm

Hmm,

I think that if your middle brother knows nothing about all this trouble with your family, you should only speak to your little brother about it. You need to let the younger one know that you have no problems with the girlfriend and would thank him to let you form your own opinions. Remind him that your brother is happy with this girl, and he needs to give her a chance and perhaps get to know her a bit better before being so critical.

However, if your middle brother knows anything about it all, it might be worth ensuring he knows you like his girlfriend so he doesn't feel like she's being excluded from your family.
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Postby CFG » Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:21 pm

Ah, but with big families (I'm one of four and my boyfriend is one of four, so there's several wifes/husbands/partners on the scene), even if middle brother and his girlfriend don't seem to know about the situation, it's quite possible that one or both of them have picked up some of the ill-feeling somewhere along the way.

She might be vaguely aware that there is some issue between you and the younger brother that is directly related to her, but cannot bring the subject up because she's not strictly "one of the family". She may even have mentioned it to her boyfriend, but he's not keen to mention it to the rest of the family for fear of putting his girlfriend in a negative light.

It might be sensible to speak to middle brother when his girlfriend isn't there. Explain that although he may or may not be aware, younger brother has mentioned that he has X issue with Girlfriend, and it genuinely has no bearing on what you think of Girlfriend.

You might find that middle brother is relieved that you've brought it up. He can probably tell that there's something going on, but not have the full picture. Once you've done your bit, middle brother can than speak to younger brother about why he dislikes Girlfriend.

And of course, give younger brother a clip round the ear for stirring! :wink:
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