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Postby peecee » Fri Jan 20, 2006 9:28 pm

:P :P :P

That's brilliant, Moose!
Last edited by peecee on Fri Jan 20, 2006 11:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby CFG » Fri Jan 20, 2006 11:53 pm

Know what's really weird about that? All the people's names I entered actually matched the events and personalities in it! I nearly died laughing when a certain female friend hit a certain male friend with a kitchen utensil!!
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Postby Wordman » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:09 am

peecee wrote:
THE MOODS OF A MAN
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.


I resemble that remake.

:P
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Postby peecee » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:12 am

Sorry, me dear - should I remove a couple of them...? :wink:
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Postby Wordman » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:16 am

I'm always hungry.

:wink:
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Postby peecee » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:28 am

ok, have something to eat and then try this one; :P


Open a new Word document and write:

= rand (200,99)

Then click on "enter"
Wait for three seconds and look again...
Not even Microsoft people can explain that one.

weird! :o
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Postby SunBum » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:35 am

Um, I don't have Microsoft word !!!

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Postby CFG » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:39 am

Ooh, spooky. I was taught to use that phrase to practice handwriting, as it contains all the letters in the English language.
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Postby peecee » Sat Jan 21, 2006 12:40 am

ok, Sunbum, I'll pm it to you! :)
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Postby SunBum » Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:18 pm

Thanks peecee

I have seen that before anyway, there are quite a few different ones too but like you said, nothing to get excited about.

I use Open Office which is completely free and just as powerful as Microsoft...without the big price tag !!! That's why I don't have Microsoft word. Open Office is Microsoft Office compatible too.

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Postby Moose » Sat Jan 21, 2006 2:36 pm

peecee wrote:

Open a new Word document and write:

= rand (200,99)

Then click on "enter"
Wait for three seconds and look again...
Not even Microsoft people can explain that one.

weird! :o


How strange! What I want to know, though, is if Microsoft people can't explain it, then who on Earth discovered it?!

It kind of reminded me of that bit in The Shining where the guy spends weeks typing, and when his wife looks at what he has written, there are just hundreds of pages of "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" :o ! No?!
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Postby peecee » Sat Jan 21, 2006 11:04 pm

And just think, some saddo sat down, and thought "what can I come up with to use up 250 pages of peoples' Word documents?". How on earth did they do that, and how long did they take??? :o (it's probably someone without a girl/boyfriend... :wink: )



This one keeps coming; I think SunBum, Wordman and captain_flynn will sail through. Won't tell you what I got... :oops:

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.


Let's find out just how clever you really are.

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)


First Question:


You are participating in a race. You overtake the second place person. What position are you in?

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Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are wrong!
If you overtake the second place person, and you take their place, you are second!

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:
If you are in a race, and you overtake the last person, then you are?
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Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?! You're not having a good time at this! Are you?

Very tricky maths! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT usepaper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Third Question:
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. now add 10. What is the total?
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Answer: Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.
>Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last
question right?

Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
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Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round. You can partially redeem yourself with this one!!!!!

Bonus Question:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man
who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
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Answer: He just has to open his mouth and ask. He's blind, not mute - so simple.

KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN YOUR LIFE
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Postby Moose » Thu May 11, 2006 11:54 am

It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella awards. The Stella's are named after 81 year old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued Macdonald's . That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolouss uccessful lawsuits in the United States. Unfortunately the most recent lawsuit implicating Macdonald's, the Teens who allege that eating at Macdonald's has made them fat, was filed After the 2002 award voting was closed. This suit will top the 2003 awards List without question.

5th place (Tied).
Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded 780,000 by a jury of Her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was Running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms Robertson's son.
5th place (Tied).
19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won 74,000 andm edical expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th place (Tied).
Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had Just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the Garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family were on vacation and Mr Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi hef ound and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the houseowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of 500,000

4th place.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded 14,500 and Medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbours Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owners fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been al ittle provoked at the time as Mr Williams who had climbed over the Fence into the yard was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd place.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster Pennsylvania 113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd place.
Kara Walton of Claymont Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a neighbouring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.Walton was trying to sneak out of the window in the Ladies Room to avoid paying the 3.50 cover charge. She was awarded ¤12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place.
This year's runaway winner was Mr Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City Oklahoma. Mr Grazinskip urchased a brand new Winnebago Motor Home. On his trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the Freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the Back and make himself a cup ofc offee. Not surprisingly the RV left the Freeway, crashed and overturned.M r.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him that in the owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him 1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there was any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.
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Postby Jess1234 » Thu May 11, 2006 4:46 pm

Haha that made me laugh!!! :lol:
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Postby gatekeeper » Sun Jun 04, 2006 12:01 pm

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
>>>during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
>>>woman had taken the space.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>Understandably, he shot her.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
>>>driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
>>>transporting from Harareto Bulawayohad escaped. Not wanting to
>>>admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and
>>>offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
>>>passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
>>>patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
>>>deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
>>>serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked
>>>how he received the
>>>
>>>injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
>>>close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her
>>>an examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen
>>>abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your
>>>daughter is pregnant."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor
>>>that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
>>>reputation by having sex with a boy.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the
>>>window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the
>>>last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three
>>>wise men came and I didn't want to miss it."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
>>>during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James
>>>Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down
>>>the barrel and tried the trigger again.
>>>
>>>This time it worked.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
>>>machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to
>>>his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent
>>>out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the
>>>machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
>>>something.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus,
>>>drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate
>>>glass window.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the
>>>driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the
>>>daylights out of me."
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he
>>>didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so
>>>much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not
>>>your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
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